Sunday, February 21, 2010

They Don't Make Em Like They Used To.........................

Hello There My Little Diamonds,

So when I logged into my AOL account, I saw this article...............

http://www.lemondrop.com/2010/02/18/now-thats-commitment-secrets-of-5-couples-married-50-years-o/

Basically, my little wedding veils, this article is about couples that have been married for over 50 years. Not only is the article about the couples heartwarming, but so are the comments left behind by the readers offering up their own stories.

I thought of my own grandparents. My Oma and Opa were the loves of eachothers lives. They would've definitely lasted if he hadn't passed away instantly from a heart attack. Oma lived for 21 more years and remained involved in our lives before she decided to join him. She did have a boyfriend, Tony,  who she met long after Opa, but nothing like Opa, or so I am told. She loved Tony a lot, and they were like school children together, but she did tell me that she still loved Opa. I think Tony understood that. He lost his wife too.

Two weeks before she passed, she mentioned to my aunt that if she were to go, she would want to go like Opa did, and she got her wish. She died the same way, instantly, from a heart attack. I look back and I see that there was no way this could have been prevented. She seemed fine, she seemed healthy at her checkups, and when she passed, it was the one moment Tony was down in the basement getting food. By the time the ambulance arrived, she was gone. Now that is love. I was sad she left, but I am happy for her.

As I look back I realize how hard it must have been to live life without him, wishing to be with him for 21 years. But at the same time she had a relationship with us, her grandchildren. And she was optimistic. She had a great outlook on life and found love after.

My grandmother on my dad's side is equally amazing. She lost her first husband to cystic fibrosis. Her second husband, my grandfather did not work out. She is now happily married to my step-grandpa who I refer to as my grandpa. She and my grandpa are solid and they love each other very much. She always tells me how much she loves him and always are sure to hold hands and give thanks on Thanksgiving and Christmas. I know they have their differences once in a while, but one wouldn't know it.

They met in couples therapy when they were with their former spouses. Basically the things my grandpa found unattractive in my grandma, my step-grandpa thought were wonderful. My step-grandpa, aka grandpa is a wonderful man and they have become the model for my future relationships. My grandmother played the role of housewife and businesswoman in her marriages. She knew how to take care of herself financially and take care of her husband and children. One thing I've always admired about her was that she has always been aware of finances and got involved in investing stocks. I think it's really important that women get involved with finances in the marriage and see where the money goes. Open all the bills, write checks, stuff like that.

Anyway, I couldn't help but get a little teary-eyed by the article. When my Oma and Opa were together, he saved up and bought her a ring and necklace set made of smokey topaz. It was one of her prized jewelry pieces and it was passed down to me. So I wear a little piece of their love on my hand and close to my heart.

From watching my grandparents, if I had to give out marriage advice, here is what I would say..........

1.) Always let the other person know you love them. Don't assume they know.  Ladies, if your men are providing for you, thank them. Men, if your women are raising your children show them how grateful you are.

2.) If you have a disagreement, don't shout it out in public. Don't call him/her out in front of everyone and   embarass them. Discuss your disagreements in private so you can work it out together without others involved.

3.) You can't change the person you married, all you can do is love them for the person they are. If you don't love who they are, don't marry them. Marry the person you love, not the one you think you could love if only if...........

4.) You will never grow old if you do things you love. So get into a profession you love, or find hobbies you can share in together. My grandparents got involved in community service, mountain climbing, church, their businesses, the list could go on. And my living grandparents are still "working". I couldn't dream of asking grandma to take it easy.

5.) Compromise. You love the other person so much, that you just want to make the other person happy, and your partner wants to do the same in return. Their joy is your joy and vice versa. And it must go both ways.

6.) Let the other have separate interests. My Oma had her craft class she dragged me to where she stiched with other women. My grandpa liked to bring cakes to the little old ladies in the church. He is also a Chaplain at the local hospital. Have your own separate hobbies.

Anyway, that is all for now my little wedding bells. I am tired, but I have a dance performance to work on and an ass to deflate.

Love, hugs, kisses and chocolates !

Senorita

13 comments:

mac said...

This is sage advice.
My Mom and Dad were divorced when I was a baby. Mom remarried in time. She and my step-Dad have been together 35 years.
And, yes. Eventhough I don't call him Dad, he is my Pops :-)
I introduce him as my dad, I think of him as my dad, I send him Father's Day stuff. Even my biological father liked him and admitted, he was a better father than Dad could ever have been.

I think sometimes, it may take a time or two before we find the right one...SO, I keep lookin' ;-)

Secretia said...

Senorita, you are a wise woman, your number 1 "let the other person know you love the" is true.

Thanks you for telling the world, it's so important. Sometimes we forget...

Secretia

The Pipster said...

Wonderful advice, Senorita and a beautiful story. Your little diamond. -Pippi

Ily said...

I love how you shared the story of your grandmothers followed by the advice. We all want lasting love like that and in these times, it's hard to find. There is so much technology, distractions and infidelity, it's sad.

I love the part where you wrote about your grandmother on your father's side and how she and your granpa hold hands and give thanks on the holidays. WHO DOES THAT?? We should all be so romantic and appreciative of what we have.

Great post, Srta!

Ms. Jenni [xo] said...

Lovely, beautiful, and smart post.

We all wish for a love that will last us forever. =)

Big Mark 243 said...

Wonderful stories, great lessons and very timely advice!

dadshouse said...

Beautiful words of advice. I think saying "I love you" daily is huge. It does so much for both of you. The one who hears it feels appreciated, and the one who says it is being happy and grateful for the other in their life.

Kerrie said...

I love your advice and on the whole it's very good advice. I went to a sixtieth wedding anniversary party last week, and that really takes something. I don't know if I will make it with The Colin for I have only been married fifteen years. You get a telelgram from the queen here for you sixtieth anniversary.
The only thing I would like to add is laugh, don't forget to laugh together.

Red Shoes said...

A most wonderful story!!! Thank you for sharing this...

~shoes~

Paul Nichols said...

Exceptional advice! Especially from a person who has never married. My parents were married almost 55 years. My brother and his wife have been married about 54 years (I think).

Oh hey, speaking of "Please don't take my cookies," I just baked a lemon cake. With the left over icing I made graham cracker cookies. Good. Want a cookie, little girl?

Jon said...

I felt like reading the scriptures... Loved the post especially points 3 and 4

Deine Mutter said...

You are absolutely right on your advice. Couldn't agree with you more.

Thank you for mentioning Oma and Opa - means a lot to me. They were the ultimate love birds when they were together. If they had any disagreements, we sure never saw them. Much later in life I found out that they made a pact with each other before they got married, that no matter how bad they thought things were, they would NEVER entertain the thought of divorce and they would never mention it.

They stuck to it, and they were so happy together. You just can't fake those things.

love you

The nitty-gritty tales of a housewife said...

Tnx 4 d advice senorita. It is true on all counts. Married for a decade with 4kids, so i know it takes a lot of work & sacrifice to make a marriage successful. I believe your grandparents are together now & watching how you are about to go & deflate your ass in the dance class! hehehehe