Hello There My Little Fuzzy Ducklings,
First of all, me love you readers long time ! Thank you so much for your kind comments. It really means a lot to me. I feel better that so many of you can relate. Thank you for sharing that with me.
Ever since 2010 rolled around, I feel like this has been a different year all around. All I can equate it to is someone lighting a fire under my ass. I've never felt the urge to evaluate myself more than in this year. This year started off with me moving. I wonder what else will happen. I also joined a new gym today. It's pretty nice, and across the street.
Last year was calm and quiet, and I did a lot of thinking, writing and relaxing. I basically took it easy because I had just graduated and I wanted to relax for a little. No new job, no new friends, nothing really exciting. I did graduate, move and go on interviews, but it wasn't really a year of change. It was more of a year of reflection.
My mind doesn't allow me to just sit around and relax this year. This year, I have been forced to take a good look at myself and see what I've done with my life, what I could've done and what I should be doing. I recently found out my old college roommate is expecting her first child. We met ten years ago and used to talk about getting married, having kids and what our careers would look like. She followed through on what she wanted. I feel like I've barely begun to scratch the surface. And it's sad because we lead such different lives. We used to be best friends, and we traveled together. And even though we still keep in touch it's obvious that we've both gone in different directions.
Basically, I don't want to live life the way I've been doing in the past decade. I feel like I don't have much to show for it. Don't get me wrong, I didn't just sit on my ass all this time. I went to school, traveled and busted my ass in finding out my true passion in life. I just don't have any solid evidence of it other than my diplomas and certificates.
I don't want to hold on to the past like I've been doing. I don't want to hang onto old experiences, I want new ones. I am tired of looking back on my travels abroad and wishing times were the same. I am tired of reminiscing about my early twenties when I was a little more carefree and was twenty pounds lighter.
So this past weekend I went through my closets and got rid of two boxes worth of pictures, letters, cards, documents and souvenirs I collected in Barcelona. I also got rid of half of my yearbooks of my awkward years in high school. Then I got rid of tons of old e-mails.
I can't tell you how much better I feel. That was the best therapy I've ever had. I still have a long way to go. I want to be a minimalist and get a grip on organizing my papers and things. I've always been bad at that. I feel that if I can get better control of what I think, I can gain more control over my life.
I also stumbled upon my old diary that I started writing ten years ago. OMG, how awkward ! I read that and cringe. It's funny how I used to think of boys and what my expectations were of relationships. It was also amusing to see how closed off I was from the real world.
Anyway, I am sure I will be back soon with another smart ass post. But thanks for being there dear readers.