Friday, January 29, 2010

Blank

Hi Kittens,

Not much to report. I usually have a lot of stuff to write about, but not today.

I've been feeling the blues lately. For those of you that don't know I suffer from mild depression and anxiety. Sometimes I am fine, and I try to be an upbeat person and look at the bright side of things. I try to think of all the ways I have lucked out in life.

Sometimes that doesn't work and sometimes I can't see the road ahead. Lately it's been an uphill battle and I hope I feel better soon. I usually do after a while. But I feel like I got hit by a ton of bricks. It's not that I feel like this for no reason, of course things happened to set it off. Eating has been a chore lately, so has sleeping.

I've never really talked about this out in the open on my public blog. I know that when I write sad things, most people shun away. But I don't feel like hiding behind a facade all the time, and this blog isn't about collecting readers or make sure I'm entertaining all the time. I also realized that I've been blogging for so long, when am I going to go out and live life outside a computer ?

I don't take meds, since it's not serious. I've felt this way since I turned 21, but I finally sought out a therapist in 2007. It worked wonders. I tried meds once, but they didn't work. I felt like nothing happened. For me, I felt it would be better to deal with the feelings as they came.

Anyway, the cat is out of the bag, I finally said it.

22 comments:

Sweet-Britches said...

Thank you for sharing.

I truly hope you start feeling better soon, dear heart. You are a lovely person and deserve much happiness.

I'll be sending happy thoughts your way.

Ily said...

Funny you mention this. I've been out of sorts lately, too, and maybe I should blog about it.

Like you I'm almost always in a good mood, but something DID happen to trigger some bad thoughts that are lingering, if you know what I mean.

It's easier to bounce back when you're busy but sometimes you don't have the motivation to get busy.

That's what good friends are for, Chica. If you lived locally, I'd be taking you to have café with me and checking out the art and shops on South Beach. Maybe one day.

For now, acuerdate, no hay nada como un día atras de otro. Tomorrow (and I don't necessarily mean the day after today) will be better.

Hugs to you, amiga, and thanks for sharing your feelings.

Secretia said...

Can you challenge yourself physically with a goal, for example, being able to run ten miles at one time? Works wonders for me.

*Juliette* said...

You have a lot of courage. I think it's important to really feel the ups and downs of life and that's why meds don't work for a lot of people. You are far better off to work through your feelings with a therapist. Also, as the previous comment says, set a physical goal to help your focus and get some endorphins flowing. I wish you much happiness during this time.

Danielle said...

I think that we all have our little things that we don't like to share via our blogs. I for one do.
I hope that you feel better soon. I know all too well about anxiety.

Bathwater said...

That is what a blog should be for sharing thing is a safe place. It should be a popularity contest or a get rich scheme.

There is more support to be found and like minded people then you ever realized including me.

Jimmy's Journal said...

I also have bouts with anxiety in the past, but not so much in the past several years.

Try Ativan or it's generic equivalent 1 milligram. It's a wonder drug, has little or no side effects and doesn't make you drowsy.

Jimmy

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I think it is all a matter of perspective sweety.

For instance, I could choose to look at the fact I'm living out of my car right now because a bunch of manipulative lying assholes used me. I could choose to not try to seek help about it and be bitter forever. I could choose not to seek justice for it and sit on my lazy ass and hope a wrong is righted. I could choose to not take care of myself and to continue gaining weight. I could choose to rack up a credit card bill and not live according to my means.

However, I chose not to be deceitful and I still have my integrity.

I chose to file another FBI report and to stay active in the pursuit of all those who were involved in illegal activities who hacked into my cell phones.

I chose to seek anger management through work so my bitterness doesn't consume me.

And I now have a clean credit report because I have been living by what I can afford instead of seeking a life without balance.

The bottom line point is, we all ultimately choose.

I suppose I could be unhappy because I'm no longer friends with a bunch of people on the internet anymore, but the honest truth is all they did was lie and manipulate and hide behind an avatar an pretend to be something they aren't.

So I could honestly give a shit.

My life is better off now that they are out of it.

There is no love in deceit, and when one hangs around those who continue to deceive others eventually they end up deceiving themselves.

So all I keep thinking about today is one thing.

Yay! I'm finally debt free.

Thank God for that completely BLANK credit report.

Shelly Rayedeane said...

By the way, I'm off to the gym now.

Have a nice day.

Ms. Jenni [xo] said...

I suffer from moderate manic depression, and also anxiety. It was worse when I was a teenager, until I turned 20. I tried meds once, they made it worse. So I decided just to deal with it.. the best thing I could have done!

I have my off days, where I stress out and get upset about how much better my life could be. But then I work out of it, and remind myself that I'm walking up a big hill, but I'll eventually get up to the top.

Anyway! Having a case of the blues is definitely nothing that you should feel needs to be hidden. =)

Senorita said...

Wow, thank you all for your kind words. I didn't know that some of you are going through the same thing.

Thank you.

LYN said...

I SUFFER FROM THIS TOO AND TEND TO HIDE UNDER A ROCK WHEN IT HAPPENS SO I APPLAUD YOU FOR HAVING THE COURAGE TO WRITE ABOUT IT...

HOPEFULLY THIS BOUT WILL PASS QUICKLY...

TRY STARING AT THE DAVID BECKHAM POSTER DAILY FOR 10 MINUTES OR SO... ;-))

Tom Bailey said...

Blogging I think can be VERY theraputic and connect a person with people that take on a genuine caring for other people.

Sometimes when I read about someone that is sad my first instinct is to give some laundry list of things to do to make them feel better about themselves but I think sharing what you just did gets it out so in real life you do not unload on people you want to be around. For me in real life I ask too many questions so I come here to share them with people so people around me are not so annoyed with me asking and asking questions all the time.

The great thing about blogging is getting to let parts of yourself out fully that are challenging to let out in real life with your friends and family. Clearly it looks like you are into belly dancing etc. That is another thing I do is I play things that I am into that I am listening to as I am blogging too.

Thank you for the difference you make in the conversations and input you always share on my blog it is always a joy to read your partisipation.

Kindest regards,
Tom Bailey

Just telling it like it is said...

That is why there is Wine..Cheers!...Marvelous boobage I might add

Deine Mutter said...

I am glad you are writing about it, it's at least some sort of outlet. I am very sorry you are going through this. I truly am. Let's chat some time....I love you very much!

Myra said...

There is no shame in admitting a part of you, it doesn't define you. As long as it is a passing thing due to circumstances and you recognize that. Nothing wrong with seeking help either. Hope you're back to you soon, my friend.

Paul Nichols said...

Speaking of thinking good thoughts and looking for something to cheer you up--there's always me! Ta-da!

("Boobage." That's the first time I've ever heard/seen that. Good one.")

Bev said...

I'd certainly never shun you for feeling down! ((hugs)) Hope you feel better soon.

Candice said...

I seriously doubt that anyone is a completely open book on their blog.

We all have things that we are and are not willing to share. I know I do.

I hope you're feeling bright and sunny soon, and if you aren't, we still love ya anyway!

mac said...

I hope you feel better soon :-)

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

You are so not alone my dear.

Stacie's Madness said...

hope you feel better sharing.