Monday, January 18, 2010

Married and looking for you babe !

Hi Kittens,

So it's time for mama to give you another dose of a "manslation". I've noticed that I have a tendency of picking on married douchebags cheaters. They are such easy targets, kinda like sitting ducks with their pants down. Wait, ducks don't wear pants...... but yeah, you get my drift..............

Now remember, the capital letters are what he probably really means, and the red letters are what I really think.

Enjoy my little furballs...................

TITLE: Does the idea of forbidden love intrigue you? - 35

Date: 2010-01-18, 7:18PM PST

Let me get right to the point. I'M HORNY. I have been married for a very long time I LIED ABOUT MY AGE ABOVE. My marriage has long ago lost its spark BECAUSE LOOK AT ME, NO ONE WANTS TO SCREW A BALDING GUY WITH A HUGE GUT. I suppose that I’ve reached the proverbial “mid life crisis” that many (perhaps most) long-time married people reach EXCEPT THAT I CAN'T FIND A YOUNGER GIRL, NOR CAN I AFFORD THE EXPENSIVE SPORTS CAR. Some choose to suffer silently. MY PENIS AND TESTICLES SUFFER.

I’ve decided to do something about it… And so I’m here. TROLLING FOR YOU, BABE........

To put it bluntly: What I miss most is the fun and excitement of getting to know someone of the opposite sex… and becoming emotionally involved with that person. It’s been so long… and I’m not getting any younger. Does this sad story sound all-too-familiar? HELLO ! LOOK AROUND, YOU CAN'T SWING A DEAD CAT WITHOUT HITTING A MARRIED DUDE ON CRAIGSLIST. WHO WANTS TO BANG A WHINY, BALDING MARRIED DUDE ?

And so: I am seeking to get to know a married woman in the same situation… I CAN FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF IF YOU ARE CHEATING LIKE I AM. MISERY LOVES COMPANY one who is willing to share e-mails on a daily basis … to compare notes… to get to know one another slowly... with a view to establishing confidence and affection… and perhaps (if everything were to click) something more. MAKE NO MISTAKE, WE'LL BE BANGING RIGHT AWAY. Ideally, a woman who is possibly looking for some sort of relationship outside of marriage…but who is not looking to change her situation… and one who believes that any relationship must be based on a friendship and a strong emotional bond… THE WORDS "FRIENDS" OR "FRIENDSHIP" ARE A MARRIED MAN'S BEST FRIEND.

The nice thing about e-mail correspondence is that one can take things nice and slow. e-mail correspondence of this sort can be fun (and perhaps more than that) BLAH BLAH BLAH, IT'S JUST THAT THE WIFEY ALREADY HACKED INTO MY CELLY, SO THAT'S WHY I ONLY STICK TO EMAIL ... with someone who has a reasonable command over language and who is willing to put the time and thought into e-mails. IRONIC, HUH ? I AM DECEIVING MY WIFE, AND ENCOURAGING YOU TO DO THE SAME, YET I DEMAND YOU HAVE WRITING SKILLS And, of course, e-mail is the ideal “safe” SAFE FROM THE WIFE FINDING OUT  medium in which to begin a relationship in the context in which we find ourselves….

The woman that I seek is intelligent, educated, a good writer A VAG DOESN'T HAVE WRITING SKILLS, adventurous, kind, sensitive, emotionally stable HUH??? and equipped with a good sense of humor... I’d like to think that I have -- or at least strive to have -- these same qualities. SOME ASPIRE, BUT NOT ALL CAN ATTAIN.

Am I conflicted in doing this? Absolutely... Any thinking person would have to feel conflicted unless his or her marriage were pretty far gone. But I have come around to the conclusion that a little bit of risk taking is better than boredom and unhappiness... BABE, THE ONLY THING THAT IS CONFLICTED IS IN MY PANTS.
I've also come around to the fact (and I'm not sure what took me so long THE WIFE IS A HAWK, SO IT TOOK A WHILE TO BUMP HER OFF THE RADAR) that there is nothing so captivating in life as meeting and establishing an emotional bond with someone of the opposite sex... and nothing so exquisite as sealing that emotional bond with a kiss.... And life is short. (Yes, the old song from “Casablanca” had it exactly right: “You must remember this… A kiss is but a kiss… The fundamental things apply… As time goes by”). GROSS................

About me: I'm not pompous nor arrogant -- and consider myself a good listener BABE, THAT'S BECAUSE OUR COMMUNICATION IS VIA E-MAIL AND I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU. I enjoy long conversations about anything and everything...the political, the personal and everything in between. AS LONG AS IT'S IN BED, I WILL LISTEN, It is through wide-ranging conversation -- e-mail and in-person -- that two people can discover intimacy in the best sense of that word.
Oh yes, one more thing… As for the obligatory self-laudatory "looks" assessment that inevitably appears in these sorts of postings... well, here it is... I think I’m reasonably presentable, in-shape and all the rest. JUST LIKE I THINK A YUGO IS REASONABLE TRANSPORTATION. IT DRIVES YOU AND I BANG YOU. Of course, you’ll have to be the judge of that… and I will be pleased NOT !!! to forward a photo upon your request. YOU GET A PICTURE OF ME TAKEN TEN YEARS AGO BEFORE I LOST MY HAIR AND GREW A GUT.

If any of this sounds intriguing, I would love to hear from you.  YOU JUST DID..... ON MY BLOGGY !


mac said...

Gosh, I suppose I should rip up that letter I had written to you this evening ;-)

Seriously, Does ANYBODY actually answer ads like this?
This guy is in for a rude awakening if he believes his wife can't trace his actions. If he emails his interest, the evidence will be there....what a maroon !

Aurora said...

HEE-HEE. oh gawd, if I was drinking milk, it'd be
snorting out of my nose right now you made me laugh so hard!

Nice going AGAIN Senorita - you called it perfectly:)

Shelly Rayedeane said...

I think what people do in their own bedrooms is their business.

However, I can't stand people who deceive the person they are married to, just to get a piece of ass on the side, and lie to their significant other about it.

The problem is the deceit. I'm not going to pick on just guys either. There are plenty of women doing the same bullshit.

Visiting porn sites or leading people on, via the internet, while the hubby is working all day.

It goes both ways.

Men and women both turn into douchebags when they deceive people.

Anonymous said...

That was the best thing I ever read about those cheating husbands who live on Craigslist!

You know how to right an outstanding post.

Thanks, it was great.


Ily said...

I love how you ended this post! :)

Sitting ducks with their pants down, a suffering penis (and let's not forget the testicles), and "a vag doesn't have writing skills" - chica, you made my morning!

Irredento Urbanita said...

How long time were you in Barcelona? For bad or for good, Barcelona is unforgettable.



Big City Dad said...

Two biggest CraigsList populations...cheating husbands and hookers.

This guy is a douche.

dadshouse said...

This is funny. Question - do you ever translate CL posts that women write? There are actually some women who are unattractive and looking for hot men. I bet you'd have a field day!

Senorita said...

MAC: I am sure people answer ads like this, otherwise there would be no Craigslist. Besides, what does the guy have to lose ? Absolutely nothing.

AURORA: Thanks for stopping by. I noticed you don't have a blog, otherwise I would've added you.

SHELLY: I agree, it really does go both ways.

SECRETIA: Thank you :)

ILLY: Muchas Gracias !

VALERY: I lived in Barcelona from June 2004 until June 2005. Barcelona is unforgettable, a city that is always in my heart.

BIG CITY DAD: Yeah, total douche. I can only imagine what it's like in NYC. Probably worse.

DADSHOUSE: Absolutely, I would "translate" a female ad on Craigslist, and I have done it before. It's just that the men write waaaay more ads, and they are easier to pick on. The women usually reserve the crazieness for when you actually start chatting or meet in person.

But if you have some ads you'd like me to "translate" bring it on and I will see if I can work my magic.

Kerrie said...

This is just brilliant!I hope his wife is cheating on him already and it all turns out like The Pina Colada song!

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

Dude is all kinds of pathetic.

PorkStar said...

LMFAO that last line was hilarious!

Ridiculous men, at least I say all of that in person, gets me lucky much faster.

* Ashleigh * said...

Quality men out there! I liked the line "you can't swing a dead cat..." reminded me of the SATC quote by Samantha "You can't swing a Fendi purse without knocking over a man"


I bet even the wife won't 'do' him!


Oh, thank you for adding me to your blogroll. That was really sweet Senorita.

Paul Nichols said...

How can anyone expect anyone else to read through such a buncha dull crap? (Not counting you, of course.) Don't people know how to KISS?

Keep It Simple Sucker

Shelly Rayedeane said...

It's a shame some vagina's can't write! Haaaaaaaaaa!