Saturday, July 9, 2005

He's just not that into you.................

Hello Everyone,

The above title of today's entry is also the title of a book that I just read. So many people are reading it and even Oprah was talking about it. I wonder if you read it.

The basic message of the book is that women either listen to or make so many excuses in their minds as to why guys don't call them back or wait two weeks to schedule the next date: "He's really stressed. He's just got a lot on his plate. He's too scared. He's too shy. He just got out of a long relationship................" But what all this really means is that the guy really just isn't that into her. If the guy is really interested he will call as soon as he can.

I personally liked the book. I believe almost all of it. If I am starting to go out with a guy and he doesn't call me for a while(a week), I should just let it go. Sure he'll make excuses as to why he didn't call. He doesn't want to be rude or hurt my feelings. If I have been going out with a guy for 3 years and he refuses to discuss marraige or claims he is scared, maybe he is the wrong dude for me.

I believe that men really tell us women who they are and what they want by their actions. Sometimes they actually say it too. I think that many relationships fail because we fail to listen or pick up on actions. Maybe us women think we can change the man. Maybe we are disillusioned and think he will morph into the person we want him to be. Or maybe we've invested so much energy in a relationship that we just can't bear to see that it isn't working.

It's really important to listen to the dude when he describes himself. Are you a gal that wants to get married and wants a commitment from a guy ? Then why are you still dating him after he said " I am not really looking for anything serious. I just wanna have fun." on your first date?  Yeah, he's so hot. Yeah, your knees turn to jello when he kisses you. But when he doesn't call you when he says he will or he forgets your birthday you wonder why.

Words are so easy to pop out. What it all comes down to is his actions. So he shows up an hour late for your first date without warning you. And he appologizes. So what. That appology was so easy to blurt out. But it wasn't so easy for you to sit and wait that hour and feel humiliated. Dump that ass.

And the same goes the other way. Your boyfriend may not tell you he loves you as much as you hope. Yet he never forgets your birthday, he always complements you, he never abandons you in times of need, and buys you flowers every week. He's a keeper.

As I was reading the book, I had to disagree a little. Sometimes the man really is shy. Sometimes it may take a little longer for the guy to work up the nerve to call. Or maybe he didn't call back because he misread you and thought you weren't interested. Who knows. 

I liked that the authors didn't put men or women down. It was a book to empower women to find a man that is right for them. There is a man out there is the world that will love you. They say "Don't waste the pretty." Go and find that man that will treat you right. So the guy you're dating doesn't know if he wants to commit ? He doesn't like the word "girlfriend"? Well,  if you want a commitment go and find that man that is dying to show you off to his friends and family because he is out there.

And if you can't seem to find him ? You've been single a long time ? Well, I am in that position. And for me I would rather be single than spend my time on a man that can't bother to love me the way I would love him. It is hard sometimes because we are humans with emotions and in general we want company. But especially after going to Europe all by myself I learned a lot about myself. I would rather be single and sometimes lonely, but happy than taken, miserable and unloved. You have to love who you are first. How can you expect a guy to love you if you don't love yourself.

But as a general rule, I found this book to be useful. 

Okay, dinner is ready. Ciao.




myheartsaysso2 said...

Excellent entry chica! I have also heard of this book and plan to pick it up as it sounds like a good read.. :) Have a good one! Hasta luego! ;) Mel

happinessdreams said...

I've heard soooooo much about this book. My friends and I could not wait till the book came out. I finally picked up and the book and just skimmed through it...can't get myself to read it. Its like I know all of this already. I'm sure I'll read it one day.
I totally agree with everything you wrote in this entry. Yes, its better to be single and lonely than with someone and be "happy" and miserable at the same time.