Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Office Space Memories

Hello There My Little Swingline Staplers,

So as you know I am working in an office. I have had many jobs including waitressing, car rental, telemarketing, security, retail and fast food, not in that order. So basically you could say that I've had to deal with the public. Oh, ths stories I have. Actually, I have a lot of them in my archives in this blog. It's a miracle that not once have I ever told a customer off.

I am soooooo glad I don't have to do that anymore. It's like a weight has been lifted off my soul.  I think everyone should have a job dealing with the public before they are released into the real world. But that's not my problem anymore !

 Anyway, I am about to turn thirty and this is the first time I'm actually working in an office. (Long story, I've had to go back to school and then face a shitty economy) I've been getting assaulted by huge legal files. I got my first nasty paper cut on my finger by a thick legal file folder.

The other day a stapler snapped in half, the copier jammed and the printer laughs at me. It's always out of paper, running out of ink, and switching default printers on me.

And I think I am getting carpal tunnel syndrome.

It all reminds me of my favorite movie Office Space. Except that I don't have to sport any flair.

For starters, I am a stapler whore. I make sure I am never without one. I guess you could say that I am like this guy, but without the gut and glasses: (Don't worry, all the video clips are short)

My cube is even starting to look like that with all the files piling up !

Everyone has an annoying wench like this in their office ! I can totally identify with Milton. I love my cake and if some beezy like that tried to get me to part with my piece of cake, I would introduce her to a piece of my foot up her bloated ass:

And before I log off, this is what I fantasize about doing to our office machines:

Just think of that as my parting gift !

Besitos my loves !


Fireblossom said...

We have a woman like that where I work. If there is food for any reason, brought in by anyone, she totally takes over. And if you say "no thank you", she'll keep pressing it on you anyway.

"But it's rat tart! Have you ever had rat tart? Try it, you'll love it! Oh c'mon!" One day she brought in these godawful shrivelly looking tangerines, and I told her like fifteen times I didn't want one. But of course, when I walked away and came back, there was a frigging tangerine waiting for me.

Cathy said...

All very interesting - stapler whore and all - office, etc., but I can't get past the "almost 30" part. You look too amazing. Ok I guess 30 is fine, only a number - but honestly this is getting overwhelming. Can't you uglify a bit, just so this green color my face is turning will go away? Yikes.

Kerrie said...

I work in an office in customer service so I get the worst of both worlds. I am not as restrained as you,I tell customers off with gay abandon.
I think you are right though everyone should work with the general public at some point. It teaches great self control.

Big Mark 243 said...

I hope the move into the office is a move forward into a fulfilling career for you. I was 30 when I finally started working in an office and when I saw the movie 'Office Space', it felt like watching a documentary about my workplace!!

Just remember... steady as she goes from here and try to start a small investment account... ING comes to mind. I am sure it will pay off in the end!!

Stacie's Madness said...

i love that movie. :)

mac said...

I ahve a stapler to share, if your interested ;-)

Rex Venom said...

The little hinted truths in comedy.
Rock on!

KrippledWarrior said...

Great flick. That Blumberg is a real tool. Thanks for the grin today.

Danielle said...

That is all I have ever really had is office jobs. It has its issues too that is for sure!

The Pipster said...

Thanks so much for your words!! Your swingline stapler, Pips

dadshouse said...

Paper cuts sucks! Ouch. But sounds like you enjoy the stapler. Have fun at your new gig!

Riot Kitty said...

I am a total office supply whore - and on my desk, there is a stapler that has a piece of paper taped to it that says "Property of RK - DO NOT REMOVE FROM THIS DESK!"

Paul Nichols said...

And you've only been there a week? O, mi amiga! Think teamwork! Teamwork!

* Ashleigh * said...

Sometimes I feel like Milton...having to claim my stuff in order to see it again!

Miss you!