Dear Twats in my Morning Work Out Class,
Please shut your pieholes during class, especially while we are exercising. I know that our membership fees are kinda expensive but that gives you no right to be disrespectful to the instructor. FYI, if you are busy yapping, you can't possibly be doing the workout right, because the whole point of the exercises are for us to feel the burn.
Besides, it is before dawn, I am tired as hell and cranky. The last thing I want to hear is you talking. I just want to sweat it out, get my ass kicked in class and go home.
Since you obviously aren't feeling the workout burn, how about I light a match under your ass instead ?
Two words: Common Courtesy. If that is not enough, I have four more for you: SHUT THE FUCK UP !
P.S: Just remember that if your gut and love handles are still parking themselves on your body it is probably because you 1.) Rarely come to class (Which is fine with me)
2.) Chat with your Bestie and slack off in the workouts.
Dear Woman In the Company Across The Hall: ( We all have to share a godforsaken bathroom on the same floor)
Whoever said that women don't shit or fart obviously hasn't met you. ( Or me, but this isn't about me) Some dumbass said it kills the fantasy. Well, honey if you are married I am sure there was no fantasy to even be killed. But you almost killed me today.
Now I don't know what the Hell crawled up your ass, hibernated, died and rotted for eternity in your stomach, but I wish you hadn't let it out today.
What the fuck did you eat for lunch ! And WHY ??????
I don't ever think I can ever go back in that bathroom ever again. Your nasty stench singed the tiny little hairs in my nostrils. It must be biohazardous. And my brain won't let me forget it. Hours later and I still relive that bathroom nightmare. My coworker had a little laugh because I was gagging at my desk, and she thought I was gonna hurl.
Please tell me..... What have I done to deserve this? They say karma is a bitch, but what is it that I've done to deserve this ? And to whom ? Please tell me what I did and whom I offended and I will appologize promptly.