How To Speak Landlord

Hello Again,

So I was perusing the Rants and Raves Section on Craigs List and I found a post where this guy from Santa Cruz enlightens us all on how to speak "landlord" based on his previous experiences of renting from landlords in his area. It is very interesting, and I found about 95% of what he said to be true. Kinda unfortunate if you ask me, but such is life.

As you know, I moved out last month. I put an ad up on Craigs List and advertised that I was looking for a roommate either male or female. It took me about two weeks until my current roommate contacted me. Until then, I talked to a few people and saw one other place. I was happy for this to be done relatively quickly.

I remember when I was looking for a new place to live back in November 2006. I didn't actually end up finding a new place until February of 2007, and even then it wasn't a good fit. I just moved in because I felt it was doable, and I wouldn't find anything better. It was frustrating, because people post ads about themselves and their rooms for rent, but you really never know what you are dealing with until you actually meet the person and see the room. At that time, I looked at a lot of rooms, and talked to many people. A couple of people flaked on me, a few of the places were too expensive, one genius put up a picture of one room and showed me a different room.

Anyway, here is a copy from the posting I found yesterday. Enjoy !








How to speak Landlord
......................................


*Spacious room...................................Average-sized room
*Sunny room.......................................Has a window
*Medium-sized room..........................A small child's room
*Small room........................................A closet, pantry, loft area that I have convinced myself is a bedroom
*Share a room......................................Share all your stuff, too
*Sleeping room...................................Your suffocating, windowless cell may contain one made bed, one end table, a lamp, and nothing more
*Perfect room for sleeping
AKA Sleeping Room.........................I want your rent money but I don't want to see you
*Perfect room for studying..................I want your rent money but I don't want to see you
*W/D...................................................Washer/dryer may or may not exist in physical form, or is broken
*Utilities included...............................This helps me to avoid any remorse I may feel for renting my extra office for the price of a one bedroom apartment
*Female preferred...............................I am going to rent to a female
*Male preferred...................................I am going to rent to a male
*Like-minded preferred......................I am going to rent to someone like-minded
*Vegan/vegetarian..............................No meat allowed on premises
*Straight male prefers gay female......Straight male is in denial of over/under-stimulated libido


*I am mellow.....................................................................I am a spaz
*I am non-judgmental......................................................I am very judgmental
*I drink wine regularly......................................................I am an alcoholic
*420 friendly......................................................................I will look for weed in your room when you aren't home, and ask you for some when you are
*I am a neat freak..............................................................You better be a neat freak too
*I clean when I get the chance...........................................I am a slob
*Communication is a must!..............................................Because half the time I don't know what the hell I am talking about
*I won't get mad if you eat some of my food....................I am going to eat approximately 30-45% of your food per month
*I am open-minded............................................................It's my way or the highway
*I mention my political affiliation because.......................I am going to rent to someone of the same affiliation
*I mention my religious affiliation because......................I am going to rent to someone of the same affiliation
*I don't want you to be in your room all the time.............You will be my new buddy more than you will be my new roommate
*I don't want you to be in the living room all the time.....I want your rent money but I don't want to see you
*I want you to hang out with me......................................You are going to be my new friend & confidante
*It's ok if you don't want to hang out with me..................I will tell everyone I know that you are some kind of freak
*I am a happy person......................................................I want you to think I am a happy person
*I was in the military......................................................I have control issues
*I like everything in its place...........................................I have control issues



Also keep in mind:


There are always exceptions.

Landlords are usually honest when describing the type of roommate they want, but are usually unknowingly dishonest when describing the type of roommate/landlord they are. Hence this post.

When asking her/him what kind of landlord/roommate they are, pay very close attention to the very first things they say. For example, if the first thing you hear is how non-judgmental they are...smile, say thank you and move on to the next place.

Male landlords/roommates are *usually* easier to deal with than females.

Always request receipts (written or not). If the landlord gets touchy or whiny, this is a red flag.

If they speak *in detail* about past roommates, whether it be positive or negative, this is also a red flag.

Do not assume you are going to get your deposit back, even though you left the place in perfect condition.

You have the legal right to install a key lock on your door, as long as you give the landlord a copy of the key.

Do not assume that others will follow the Golden Rule just because you do.

Good luck and God help you.