Warning ! I used cuss words in this entry !

Hello Everyone !

Let´s say that today was not a good day. For starters I don´t like the men in my office. They say the stupidist stuff to us girls. And today I told one of the guys to go back into his office because there was nothing special to look at while he was looking at me. I said it in a joking manner, but he took it seriously and is now being a dick about it. Whatever. Ladies, I swear to GAWD if you meet a guy for the first time and he tells you he is a financial analyst or a stockbroker do yourself a favor and just bolt out the door. Most of them are just worthless.

I think I should get paid tommorow but I have been broke all week, and I am a little hungry right now because I don´t have a lot of food left. I mean, yeah I am not gonna starve. But I am really really low on food. By tommorow I will have nothing left. I am counting on getting paid. I am sick and tired of living like this.

And remember how I wrote a nice journal entry about a glimmer of hope yesterday ? Well fuck it all. I am really nervous about it all right now. If I wanna have a chance to get my working papers I HAVE to register at the city hall by tommorow. And I didn´t know this until I got home after work today. Because if I don´t register by the end of October I have no chance. The problem is getting in contact with my boss. Today he is not picking up his damn phone. And if I don´t show up for work tommorow morning I will lose my job. I really don´t know what to do right now. I am very nervous.

Plus I arrived at work early to work today to ask my boss if he would help me out by putting me on contract ( so that I can apply for working papers) and he told me that he´ll have to talk to his lawyers about it first and then he´ll get back to me. I won´t know if he will help me out or not until December or January. So I will be living with this suspense for the next two months. I could tell by his response that helping me out was definitely not a priority. Motherfucker.

I hope that he ends up helping me out. His business needs me. People quit all the time and I always work holidays and I am on time for the most part. I always do my job and have a good attitude. I really don´t know what I am gonna do if I ask him to let me miss a couple of hours of work to register and he flat out tells me no.

Being here in Spain illegaly has kinda forced me to put up with shit. I took a lot of rights that I had back in the United States for granted. When I go back to the States I am deninitely not gonna put up with as much shit as I used to. I am not gonna turn into a complete bitch, but I will stand up for myself more than I used to.

Yes, I am tired of the way I live right now. But what´s bothering me is that I have a small chance of getting papers to work and live here legally for a year, but it seems like I am even losing that.

I love Spain and things would be a lot easier if I had money. Seriously. Ask anyone who has been here. If you have money this is a wonderful city. If you are broke or have no money life is a lot harder.

I absolutely love the culture here and Barcelona has won a place in my heart. However, I kinda want to go home because I really miss the rights that I had. I miss being able to walk into businesses and apply for a job. I also miss having a social security number. Here the equivalent is called a D.N.I number and I don´t have one of those. Coming here I feel like I took 2 steps backwards. I grew up in the United States where I lived a life where as though I struggled, I always could find a job and have my rights protected at work. I didn´t grow up in poor country where struggling to survive is a part of every day life. So therefore things are harder here for me.

So yeah, you get the idea of how I am feeling. I really can´t wait for this evening to pass. Anyways I now that I got all this outta my system I am gonna go do something else now.

Ciao.