I gotta wonder

Hello Everyone,

Today was my second day on the job. Today I called people in England and Austria. Oh my friggin' Gawd !!! The Austrians are a whole nother breed to coldcall to. Most of the businesses I called out there were in little small towns with the nice little cathedrals.

Half of the people I called didn't even speak English. One man made my day. In fact, his business is located in Wels, really close to where my aunt lives. When I asked him how he was, he said "Good, because the sun is dancing about." I then gave him my whole spiel and asked him if he was interested in investing in local or international markets. He then laughed and told me in broken English as thick as Arnold Schwarzenneger's muscles, " All I know is that I build little houses. Do you want us to build a little house for you"? Hahaha. Loved it.

I swear, my boss wasn't joking when he said I'd face a lot of rejection. I just almost wished that each person would just hang up on me so that the call would quickly be over and so that I could go on to the next call. But at least I got 2 leads today. Yesterday I got ZERO.

And now for my thoughts of the day....................................

Some people are just born to be successful. There are some people out there that are successful no matter what they do. They are good at what they do, but are miserable because they've have everything they want and wonder why they still feel empty. Then there are some people that work their asses off and are successful as a result. Then there are other people that work their butts off and no matter what they do, they just don't succeed in what they want. They somehow narrowly miss opportunities or they just aren't quite smart enough.

I fit into the last category. I am not in anyway implying that I am a failure, or that I am failing. I am also not saying that I am stupid either. I am just saying that I don't feel like I am quite making it.

Don't you ever notice that some people are so darn successful ? But then at the same time they face many hardships. I feel that I am lucky enough to be healthy and have most of my family members. So far I have been lucky in that respect. But I just can't seem to get what I want in other areas of my life. It just doesn't happen to me. And no, I am not sitting on my ass.

I feel like I am the girl that gets by. I feel that I am smart enough and have the basic prerequisites to compete out in the real word. I went to college, I've worked since I was 14, I have traveled a little bit and I can communicate in 2 other langauges.

But then again, I don't have real work experience in the business world where I really did anything work bragging about and I can't even speak other languages fluently. I feel like I am just scooting by. Somehow I am stuck doing jobs that don't require an education: Coldcalling, waitressing, babysitting..................... I didn't get an education for nothing.

Working in the office just kills me. You've got the brokers that just know how to get people to trust them with their money. They just know how to work people. They make so much money. My broker friend here from NY knows how to get complete strangers to trust him with over 10K. He's not afraid to be quick-witted on the phone. He even got a guy with lots of money to go "baa" like a sheep on the phone. He's getting 2 bonuses in the next two days. He's also starting his own business. He knows how to work it.

Then there is me. I am coldcalling, and I can't even get people to allow me to send them a fucking package. And though I am making enough to live, I am still just gonna get by on what I make.

Someday I hope that I can make a lot of money by people coming to me for a service and trusting me. I wish I could do business where I have great relationships. The people in my office will never meet their clients. I just can't function like that.

Maybe this isn't the right line of work for me. I really wish that I could speak to someone, be polite, and not try to sell them shit. I just wish I could do business, love hanging out with the people I deal with AND get paid for it. But no, that would be too good for me I guess.

I am just afraid that I am gonna come back to the US and have to go back into the restaurant business and kiss the asses of people that can't even tip properly and let their children order me around. Not that it's beneath me. I will do it again if I have to.

Then maybe again, maybe I am not working hard or thinking smart enough. Who knows ?

I know that I have been rambling just now. It probably seems like I am putting myself down and I am not. I am not stupid and I have no problem telling people that. But I've been thinking about this for so long and I am finally getting it out.

This entry is more for me than anyone else. In fact, that's how it is with my whole journal here, whether people read this or not. I will hopefully come back and read this down the road and see if I will have moved forward or taken some steps back.

Anyways, I better go now. Ahh, the joys of journals and venting :)

Ciao.