Monday, March 22, 2010

Deja Dump

Hello My Little Doggies,

So in the past 24 hours, I've seen the same neighbor down the street on the porch of his house with his dog leaving a steaming turd on the lawn. Three times !!! What are the odds ?

I have a schedule that kinda varies. Not only that, but I don't have an assigned parking space at home, so I sometimes have to park way down the street. It's unlikely that I run into the same person more than once ever. I almost never see my neighbors down the hall of my apartment, let alone the people down the street.

Also, I've been at my place for three months now, and I've never seen that man nor his little rat dog.

And in the past 24 hours, I've seen his dog dropping deuces on the lawn each time I've walked to or from my car. Three times ! What is the universe trying to tell me here ?

Not only that, but the little fucker likes to walk up to me and bark. He'll be hunched over ready to leave his little brown gifts, and then I come along and he won't shut his little yippy piehole.

Today when he walked up to me and barked, I looked back down at him and told him to finish taking his dump. He looked back up at me and barked right back.

His owner is a prize himself. Big chubby guy with a little yippy rat dog dressed in a shirt. C'mon dude, man up and get a real dog. Chihuahuas don't count. And for the love of Jesus, please pick up his turds ! I was right there when your dog shat on the lawn, and you saw me standing there. So stop acting like no one saw it, and pick up your little darling's creations.

Sorry to those of you who like chihuahas. If you are a woman, I guess that's okay. It's when men own little rat dogs that I wonder about them.

Anyway that is all for now my little furry friends !

16 comments:

Shelly Rayedeane said...

Are you absolutely certain he should man up?

Manly dogs have manly sized turds. I say man his ass down even more, confiscate his chi wa wa, and give him a teacup poodle!

Secretia said...

Small dogs=less to clean up.

Why have a huge pile?

Paul Nichols said...

Well, hey...maybe the unman doesn't want his little thingy going on the carpet. Ever think of that? :)

Big Mark 243 said...

That kind of thing, the sudden randomness of seeing the fat man and his dog, would creep me out were I you. That he has no regard to clean up after his pet is another creepster sign.

Either that, or I am paranoid. But I am not a beautiful woman and were I, I prolly would be suspcious of everything!!

BamaTrav said...

I clean up my shits in the yard so should the damn dog. I was wondering why people gave me such funny looks.

Choleesa said...

Im with you on the rats. If your gonna have a dog, make it a DOG!!!
And the rats owner is just a douche bag...

Danielle said...

I am not sure I would look too hard at what the universe is trying to tell you with this one! Just sayin.

Just telling it like it is said...

I thought it was against the law to leave steaming turds...gross

dadshouse said...

Yesterday, my son and I saw sidewalk graffiti that was written with wet dog turd. My son pointed it out to me, and marveled that not only could a dog write, he wrote with his ass.

That's my boy!

Ily said...

LMAO - You reminded me of my friend, Janet. She makes her husband walk their miniature Benji mutt dog everywhere and it cracks me up! On South Beach we see a lot of pretty boys and their boyfriends walking large dogs (like dobermans) for some reason.

Ms. Jenni [xo] said...

I agree with you about the little yappers. I can't stand them!

I love my dog. She's a border collie mix. Medium size and fun.

Little dogs break too easily. And in my life, one would definitely get broken.

The Boyfriend Shopper said...

hahahah...

Yeah.. I'm still loving your blog. Your posts are always hilarious.

And I totally disagree with dressing dogs up ALL together. What a sin. I swear.. they don't want to wear those ugly knitted sweaters that every Paris wannabe thinks is SOOO cute.

Darrin.. said...

So annoying. I have taken dog turds off of my yard and put them where they belong. (on the dog owners step). after awhile.. I found no more dog turds killing my grass. Surprised I didn't get a broken window outta the deal, but hey.. I figured I knew where the tool lived if that ever happened.

mac said...

I agree!
Those little dogs are a pain in the ass. They'll bite you too. The last time one of them ran up to me yapping and trying to be bad, I told it "Look li'l fella, you're about the size of a football. I'm wearing steel-toed boots, you don't really want to tangle with me"
No, it didn't work. It bit me...and NO, I didn't punt the little bitch. I wanted to go get my girl to whip it's little ass. But, she doesn't know about fighting.

If we were walking and saw you, I think she would, somehow, get unleashed so she could run over and introduce me to you. Don't worry, she won't bite. She'll give you a slobbery tennis ball, but never bite :-)

Red Shoes said...

Hmmm... a turd monster... Thank God that the guy doesnt double up and leave a steamer on the lawn... that would be even grosser... no??

I've heard of scat play, but this is ridiculous!!!!!

~shoes~

* Ashleigh * said...

I doubt he'll be trading up for a bigger dog - he hates competition for who gets more of the bed ;)