Monday, March 29, 2010

Tuesday's Tool

Wassup my bitches ?

Mama is back with a manslation is what's up ! So here in the San Francisco Bay Area, there are way more men than women. Ask David at Dadshouse and he will tell you. I live in San Jose, which we call Man Jose. I know, that would seem like a godsend to me, like it's raining men or something. Total sausage fest. But trust me, it's not the sausage I would be looking for. Married sausage, gangsta/thug sausages/ bitter sausages/ sausages only interested in clam for one night......... these are not on the menu of Yours Truly. No spank you.

I am sure I will find some worth putting on my plate, but in the mean time, I have these Craigslist ads to laugh at. Below is one that I'm pretty sure is from the same douche that has been posting for as long as I've been doing "manslations", which has been almost a year now. Only this time, he cleverly forgets to mention that he's married. Oopsies............ He mentioned it a few times before, but looks like he got no clam. So time for him to omit a few details and try again. Aaaaw, it's like little trainwreck that could ! Except that he really can't.

As usual, the blue is what he really means, and the red is what I am really saying.

Well-Off, Giving Male Wants to Help Creative Actress/Model/Artist



Date: 2010-03-19, 5:32PM



I know what I seek is bit unconventional  because I am married and I really have no connections to help you get famous so I've decided to post a listing here to see if I can find a good match for what I seek. Pussy

I'm an Asian male, 33 years old, tall, and slim and so is my penis. I am a successful, and we all define success in different ways well-educated professional with a great hi-tech career just a regular engineer that's about to get laid off. I'm generous I'm so desperate for sex I will throw a measly amount of cash in your direction courteous I will say please before I fuck you, respectful of others not tell my wife I am fucking you, and friendly my penis is very friendly and will definitely pop out to say hello. I am mostly focused on my career nowadays so I'm not looking for any big time and/or romantic commitments. I'm focusing on getting laid before I get laid off, and my wife thinks I'm working to avoid that lay-off. Wow, a lot of laying going on.

I am seeking a cute female who is pursuing an artistic, modeling, musical, and/or acting career who would like a helping hand literally while trying to establish herself. I've always been a techie/analytical person myself so I have great admiration for artistic/creative people because they possess talents which I don't have. So yeah, I can work a computer and digital camera, but it ain't gonna get you anywhere, except for naked on my hard drive. The hard drive on my computer and the hard drive in my pants.

Looking back at my own career, I realize that establishing yourself, gaining experience, and getting your foot in the door is the hardest part. Blah blah blah la la la, the only thing that's hard is me. In return for a fun and intimate arrangement, I would be happy to provide you with extra income while you pursue your career goals.Why do married men always have to throw in words like "establishing yourself" and "career goals" and "mutual benefits" ? If you would be interested in this type of arrangement with mutual benefits, I look forward to your reply.

17 comments:

Just telling it like it is said...

Why doesn't he just call a hooker? He must have had a bad experience...Why do men marry women the ultimately are not going to have sex with and just want to have sex with some unknown woman that could kill him with HIV I don't get it?

UBERMOUTH said...

Herpes carrier for sure!

gaishoen said...

IS VERY GOOD..............................

Fireblossom said...

Aw. Lil Twainweck wants a hooka who can draw. "Heah babee...do a tracing of dis heah. Oooo, dat good!" Hims got erection lasting ova six hours. Him no call doctah.

What a loser.

Senorita, your post has insired me, I want to place an ad now! Here is my ad:

Me: Bo Peep. You: generous, wealthy businessman, traveling at least 364 days a year. Willing to never have sex, at least not with me, and open-minded about my relationship with your sister, who has moved in to to the mansion you bought for me. She sleeps on the sofa. Honest. Call me, honey. This could be the beginning of something beautiful.

Smoov, right? God I know. I can't wait for the offers to start coming in!

Fireblossom said...

Um...that should be "inspired", not "insired." That must have been my Inner Straight Girl coming out to play.

mac said...

Stay away from this guy!

I like how he offers extra income. Maybe the regular hookers charge too much?



I liked the vid you left me. It is sad to know that shit is real :(

Candice said...

love the ad! What a complete and total asshat.

BamaTrav said...

Funny you should mention "tool" tuesday, because "Tools McGregor" has posted tuesday video poetry reading. With a twist of course.

Aurora said...

ha-ha-ha, you busted him perfectly!!!!! Applauds your doing it yet again, the truth behind the words!

Bev said...

Ugh, what a total creeeeeeep! Yuck, yuck, yuck! I need to scrub my eyeballs with lye after reading his ad.

Great manslation, as always!

PorkStar said...

hahahahaa this was awesome dear lol... good job and poor lame ass bastard.

dadshouse said...

Long live Man Jose! Or not. Actually, is there a Woman Jose, CA? Or better yet, a Woman Chica, CA? (I can't call a place full of women anything with Jose in it)

Ily said...

I'm sick with a cold and a sinus headache, but damn, Chica, you always make me laugh! :D

I love the part about the hard drive in the computer and the hard drive in his pants. Beautifully written, amiguita!

Ms. Jenni [xo] said...

So he basically wants a hooker.. without going through the effort of going on the street corner to find her. Nice.

Ah, how desperate people can be.

The Pipster said...

Bwah ha HA! Your bitch - Pip

KrippledWarrior said...

You are very intuitive. I'm not easily impressed. But you got me on this one...

Deine Mutter said...

ok, so either your blog didn't like my comment, or it was too dumb that blogspot didn't want to let it through - sigh.

I was saying, I laughed so hard I near fell off my chair. Honest! I love your manslations! They make my day!
I love your sense of humor!

Keep 'em coming, at least once in a while...

thanks!

Deine Mutter