Last year this day, I was so depressed out of my mind. I don't think that I had ever sunk that low. Nothing was going right for me and I felt so out of place in this world. I even blogged on this day last year. It was a short entry because I didn't know how to adequately express myself.
I remember going to my friend's bridal shower that day. I didn't want to go due to the way I was feeling, but I mustered up everything I had to attend because she was my best friend in college. While I was there, I looked at her and her successful life. She was so happy. She was going places in her career, and marrying a wonderful man. I watched her with her new sisters in law. I thought life was so unfair. I was happy for her, but I felt like I was dealt a shorter hand.
We were roommates in college and had goals for ourselves and that day I was so disappointed in myself. Why couldn't I get my life on track like that ? I was in debt and getting deeper, I had family problems, I felt trapped, my bosses at work were threatening me with my job, I had gained weight, my friends were busy and I felt isolated. I just felt so helpless. And I didn't know what to do. I had even stopped bellydancing.
And on the way home I got a nice fat speeding ticket. I told the officer I was speeding because I had to really go to the bathroom, but he didn't let me off. Everyone else around me sped, but he chose me.
I got home after that and just locked myself in my room and cried a lot. I didn't want to live like that. I think I even drank a little, which I normally never ever do. I didn't know what to do with myself at that point.
The next day after I woke up I felt a little better. I started my legal classes the following month in September. Once I poured my heart into my studies I felt better. A couple of months later, I got a volunteer position at a legal aid community service group and poured my heart into that. I got straight As and good recommendations out of it. Unfortunately I think I just got my first B in my legal Analysis class this summer.
I won't forget that day. It scares me still to think about it. I don't ever want to feel like that again.
This year has treated me differently. But it's not really the hand I was dealt. I have learned that it was my hard work and perseverance that got me out of it and back on my feet.
I still have a long way to go before I am living the life that I really want. But I am on my way. At least I am dancing again. I am almost done with my studies, and I have an internship with the Public Defender's office.
I know this is a depressing entry but I just had to say it. It's really important to remember where you were so you do everything you can not to end up back there.