Monday, November 14, 2005

I can't get no satisfiaction

Hello All,

I am not satisfied with my life anymore. I am not happy with the way I live, nor am I happy with how hard I work for so little. I am just very uncomfortable right now. Something has to change.

I remember last year and early this year I was so miserable while I was in Barcelona. I had a mountain of problems. I was still struggling to understand the Catalans and Spaniards. My roommate was a stalker. I was running out of money. I was homesick. No company would give me a chance. I was applying for residency and all my plans were shot down. One after the other. I felt that my only option was to give up and just go home. One day I got tired of listening to myself complain. And I decided to make changes so that I could feel better.

For starters, I moved out and moved in with coworkers. I also tried even harder to work on getting my papers. I also consulted lawyers. I found more English teaching jobs to help me put more money in my pockets. And in time I felt better and in control.

I am getting burned out very quickly with my job. My passions are travel and foreign languages. My job doesn't offer any of that. I really want to perfect my Spanish and go to Latin America. I also want to learn Chinese.

I want to make more money. I make jack shit. It is so frustrating to be struggling every month. When my next paycheck comes, it will be all gone in 3 days. Then I will have to suffer for another week and a half without money until I get paid again.

I am sick of cleaning cars in my skirt and high heels. I am sick of cleaning the dashboard with freaking 409. That shit doesn't work. They took away my carprep and the carwash is 10 minutes away by CAR. And then when I get there I have to wash it by hand. And the drain is plugged so my shoes get wet. How much more difficult do they have to make this for me? I just wanna wash a fucking car. I am not trying to design the next nuclear weapon.

So why am I still there? The training they provide is wonderful, and they really do teach you how to run a business. I have very little experience and I need to gain more. My short time span of jobs after my degree in college is my enemy. Plus I am a little scared of putting myself out there. But that fear is starting to go away as I am getting more and more fed up. It's a fierce world out there and I have to be fearless.

I clearly came to this company for experience and a chance to prove myself. Too bad I don't get a cut of that when I do perform.

My friend/coworker just quit his job and has another one lined up. I will go out to celebrate with him. He's gonna be enjoying his little vacation.Well, thats all I have to say today. Oh ! And by the way, I think that I am about to have an interesting journal entry about the male species soon, so stay tuned !


1 comment:

happinessdreams said...

I know all this feeling all too well. Just remember that things will get better. I know this may not help you right now...but trust me things will get better.