Friday, November 11, 2005

Just Thinking

Hello All,

I gotta say that this week really kicked my ass emotionally. I haven't felt this depressed in a very long time. I remember feeling this low about 4 years ago as I was about to turn 21. The feeling bites, and I do experience mild physical pain. My chest hurts, and I feel like it's squeezing my heart a little. I guess we all go through this sometimes.

This week was very, very slow at work and the weather was so gloomy. Today business picked up a little and the sun came out to shine and lift my spirits a little. During my lunch hour I sat in the sun and felt a lot better.

I also thought about how freaking lucky I am to be alive. I have had so many close calls in cars or in front of cars in the past few years. I could have easily gotten hurt in my last accident. But luckily I was fully paying attention and instead of getting hit and crashing into the huge truck at the stoplight, I was able to steer myself to the right and avoid my car crashing into that 18 wheeler. But I really believe that God lent me a little helping hand that day.

It is so easy for me to think about how unlucky I am. I can bitch about my bad luck with money. ( I really do have bad luck with money, no joke.) Or I can also bitch about my bad dates.

But getting rearended made me think how lucky I am. So far I have been lucky in the health department. I currently have a clean bill of health. I also have my family on my side. Although I bitch about them too, many of my family members are alive. I may not have much longer with my grandparents, but at least they are still around for now. I have the most wonderful grandmothers ever. One of these days I may have a lot of money, but no grandmothers and health problems. And that is very likely.

So, I guess I would say that I don't have it so bad after all.



kdwsunshine said...

Nope, you don't have it so bad. I totally understand your feelings on birthdays. I had a small stress out when I turned 21, a MUCH bigger one when I turned 25 and now, this year, wow, I feel really bad @ times thinking about it.
But, good things come to those who wait!! Be patient!!


happinessdreams said...

I know how the whole depression thing goes. I always get depressed around my birthday. I know things will get better for all of us.