Holiday Blues

Hello Everyone,

Well, I went to the party yesterday from my job.  I met my coworkers in the Metro station and we walked to the lounge. I liked the walk there. It was very scenic and we were walking by the beach.  I also got all dressed up for it and I don´t really get a chance to dress up so I was happy about it.

The food was delicious. We had so many appetizers in addition to dinner and dessert. I had sea bass. Yum.  The party itself was a little boring and a lot of people got drunk and started acting like fools.

I had a good time overall, but I will miss my coworkers that aren´t coming back. My roommate also made it out to hang out as well. I have pictures and post them later.

I just got done telling someone 2 days ago that I am happy now. And I have been happy lately. But now I am starting to get real depressed all over again. Getting out of bed this morning was really hard. I really, really don´t like this time of year. Maybe its a good thing because I lose my appetite when I feel like this and right now I guess I could stand to lose a few pounds.

Most people from work are going out of the country to see their families and I only wish that I could do that right now. I really feel alone here right now. I am not really alone because I can spend the holidays with my roommate and his family. However, I am don´t really want to be there right now. But I will explain that later.

While I was at the party I realized that I am sick of living my life the way I do. I am sick of struggling just to pay the bills. I got stood up this morning by my students. I left the party late last night to get up this morning to teach them. I  traveled an hour and they weren´t even there.

I am sick of taking all of the shit jobs. I actually have an education. How many more years do I have to do telemarketing or waitressing ? How many more years do I have to answer to a boss that doesn´t give a damn about me ? When do I get to take a job where I actually have to think?

I feel like I am close to making it, but I somehow keep getting pushed back down. I feel like someone is hanging a piece of meat in front of my face and when I go to grab it it gets pulled back up.

I am just fed up right now. And I could go back to the states if I really wanted but that wouldn´t solve anything. I probably would feel the same way I do now.

Okay, I have done enough bitching for today. I am hoping that I will calm down after the holidays are over.

Ciao.