Waiting to see what will happen.............

Hello Everyone,

Gosh, I am tired of this cold weather. I am waiting for the warmer weather to roll around. I miss the warm weather and going to the beach SO BAD. I work like 5 minutes next to the beach. I also live like 10 minutes away from a nicer beach. I wanna go really bad. Especially since I am white and could really use a tan.

Well, I sent in my fingerprints last week to the FBI so that they can mail me back my proof that I am not a criminal so that I can work on getting papers. Knowing how slow the US government is at proceessing paperwork I can only hope that I get it back within 6-8 weeks like they said.

Now, I am just waiting to see what my roommate has to say. We spoke to a guy that know the laws and helps people and we are waiting for a fax of legal documents that I may need to fill out. Don´t ask me how my roommate knows this guy. I have no idea. I am just glad that he was there to help us.

If things work out, I may be able to quit my current job as a phone monkey and work in the airport until I get legal papers. If things look even better, I might even be able to actually get a better job at ACS, which is an American company that deals with finances. I had my student loans with them before they got bought and consolidated by another company.

The woman there was really happy to hear about my qualifications and all was well until she found out that I don´t have legal papers. Then she told me there is nothing she can do for me. See, the companies here won´t do jack shit to help you get legal. But at least she told me that the job will still be there after I get everything squared away.

This is if things work out. Who knows. I might be told after all that there is no hope for me. Either way, its all good. If I get a better job, I will be so happy and go on a fat shopping spree. If not, well then I have plane tickets to Austria and then back to CA. So I am either getting a good paying job and receiving papers to be able to legally work here for a year. Or I am going home. I can live with either choice right now. Although being able to work anywhere legally in the EU sounds really good to me. I would stay in Spain for a while then give Austria or Germany a try teaching English.

I also just registered for Spanish classes again. After my incident at the foreigners office, I took the hint and decided that I need to improve my speaking and writing skills. Basically whenI went to the foreigners office to ask about getting my criminal record in Spain, he told me that I didn´t need to. However, I didn´t understand him, and he got pissed at me and it took me a couple of hours after he told me to get lost to realize what he meant. Way to go for me, huh ?

I also found a brochure for bellydancing. I miss it so badly. I used to practice every week and I haven´t danced in 6 months. I mean, sometimes I practice for like 5 minutes in my room but that really doesn´t count. Bellydance is my passion and when I dance I could care less what people think of me. I am gonna call the school tommorow and hope that they have openings on my days off.

 

Latin Lovers ;)

Hello there my lovelies.................

Well, I don´t have MTV or Flaix TV in my apt to watch the latest music videos. But I do have a channel called TeleTaxi, but they only play music videos in Spanish. It´s good enough for me.

And guess who´s back ? Ricky Martin. I haven´t heard his music in so long. He sang an upbeat salsa song and he was hot :) I love the way he dances.

 Yeah, I like him, so sue me. I first heard him in 1998 during the world cup. Then he became the hottest thing in the US a year later.

There is another artist here that is really famous. David Bisbal. He is Spanish and was discovered on a TV contest a year ago. And he will be touring in the US and Mexico this year. I really think that he will be the next Ricky Martin. I know that all the girls will love him in the US.

And Marc Anthony will be giving a concert here in Feb. He is one of my favorites. He is a salsa king and also sings other romantic ballads. I have his latest CD and listened to it so much over the summer.

Who else ? Oh yeah................ David de Maria. Very, very sexy voice. He sings romantic, nostalgic songs that almost make you wanna cry. He will also be giving a concert soon too. I hope that I will be able to make one of these concerts.

See, when I first got here I couldn´t understand a whole lot of Spanish. And now its improving and I am able to listen to music, understand most of it and sing along sometimes. It feels so good.

Wanna know what real freedom is ? It´s being able to travel to a foreign country, and adapt. It´s being able to read and understand languages without help and depending on others to help you.  I am not there yet. I have a long way to go. But I am getting there.

Never Forget

Hello Everyone,

I am taking a break today from my normal journal entries to add my 2 cents about yesterday´s news. It was the 60th anniversary of the liberation of Auschwitz.

World leaders and survivors gathered at the camp to remember the victims and remember what happened and to remind everyone that we must never forget.

I saw pictures of survivors in attendance, some crying. I don´t think that while they were in the camps that they imagined that would live another 60 years to witness the anniversary, let alone just get out of the camps alive.

This morning some shit monkey left a swastika mark in front of the elevator of my apartment on the floor. My roommate told me that he has Jewish faith in his family. I didn´t know that. I am hoping that whoever did this did it to be stupid, and not out of hate. It´s a sick thing to do. Either way, it was sad to have to wake up to see him mopping the floor of a hateful sign before the neighbors left for the day. I thought it was nice of him to take the innitiative to clean it up. He coulda just left it for the janitor.

Of course the government of Germany is now making public appologies for what happened. And they are also paying reparations. It´s a step in the right direction of course, because you can´t change the past, and you can´t bring back the dead.

But I can´t help but thinking about the survivors: The government robs your house, kills your family, imprisons you and strips you of your dignity, and throws you back out into the world to fend for yourself. And all you get is a lousy check after 60 years ? Oh, and maybe a public appology on certain occasions? Yeah, at least they are getting something. But still, it´s just NOT enough. Nothing can ever be enough for the survivors.

Austria signed an agreement 3 years ago to pay some money to the survivors. It is just getting out to them. What a joke. Survivors aren´t getting any younger. And it´s only 1000€. People can sue companies because they slipped and got injured on a wet floor and get thousands and thousands of dollars.

And people can argue however they want. What about the other people affected by the war? You can´t pay everyone for their suffering. True. But you also can´t deny that the Holocaust was targeted at certain groups of people, mainy Jews. And the government had lists with SPECIFIC names of people that they were looking to kill. They weren´t accidentally killed by agunshot. 

And these people are STILL living.  I think that the German government should definitely pay the families.

There was a debate of whether the United States should pay the survivors. I don´t think so, because the United States didn´t do it. I think that the responsible governments should take full responsibility.

I couldn't help feeling sad yesterday because there is still so much hate in the wold. What about the war between the Bosians and Serbs ? These people will probably never receive any appology money from their governments probably because I imagine that their countries simply can´t afford to pay the money. Who knows ? I am just making a guess. I wonder if their government would even appologize? I don´t know much about that war except that there was a lot of ethnic cleansing.

I honestly don´t think that hate will ever be erased from this world. There will always be good and evil. But I think that we are slowly making progress.

Anyways, these are my 2 cents. I have been lucky enough to meet survivors from Auschwitz and they are strong, tolerant and admirable people and they are living proof of what hate can do. Or what a nation beaten and humiated by war and poverty with a  new charismatic leader and a scapegoat has the potential to cause..................

More Thoughts on Spain

Hello Everyone,

Katie, to answer your questions on yesterday´s journal entry, yes I have walked by the Columbus tower that points to America. I have even been to the top and taken pictures of the Barcelona view. I walk by it every day on my way to work. I work in the World Trade Center here in Barcelona. Although I despise my job, I still get the most awesome view of the sea and mountains from the office window.

And yeah, people still make out here in public A LOT. The streets, the metro....... especially the beach. But no one really cares. Wierd.

If you have been to Spain you KNOW that customer service/ government procedures here really suck. It seems that people here in customer service don´t like their jobs for the most part. Half the time they look at you like you´re crazy for wanting service. Hell, they even lie sometimes. People in the stores don´t want to help you find what you are looking for "if ít´s not there we don´t have it." I tried to exchange my money in the BANK and the gal told me "you have to go to the airport. We don´t have the proper money detectors here." I went to the foreigner´s office and asked the guard a question and he walked me outside and told me to read the damn sign on the door. Then I got to the counter to ask my question and after I had trouble understanding his Spanish, he told me to leave and forget it. Nice.

And forget complaining. It is useless. I never even considered it, because you´ll just be laughed at.

Americans in general have high expectations when receiving customer service. I have worked in customer service for a long time. People will complain because you are not smiling or if you arrive at their table a couple of minutes too late because you were busy helping someone else. I sure wish that I could´ve had the Spanish attitude when I worked at Red Lobster. My old bosses really bended over backwards and did cartwheels for the customers. And if ANYTHING was wrong it was 90% of the time MY fault.

But today I went to the bank near my house to get a certified check and the man there was really nice. I thought that he was gonna squawk at me. But he helped me with a smile on his face and held a conversation with me. He asked me questions about California and told me that I must be the only American in the area where I live.  That was so nice.

After the bank, I went to the post office to mail my request to have my criminal record sentto me. ( No I have never been arrested.) I will need to have this to get residency. The woman there was not happy to see me. She looked really tired. I was back to reality.

I have no idea what I will need to do next in order to work on getting my papers in order. My roommate keeps telling me different things, as well as the government officials. I hope that I can get this sorted out somehow.

What else ? Oh get this......... It is freezing here. It is cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. It is snowing almost everywhere in Spain, EXCEPT here in Barcelona. Even the Balearic islands such as Ibiza have snow. It is wierd seeing the beaches and palm trees covered in snow. Some schools cancelled their classes and even the ski resort in Andorra was shut down. I wish that I could experience some snow. Oh well. It will be cold like this till about Sunday. I am supposed to go skiing this weekend. Hell I was supposed to go skiing last weekend, but my roommate´s grandma died. I just hope that we will get a chance to go.

Anyways, gotta go. Ciao.

Birdies

Hello Everyone,

I am kinda stressed out because I have been trying to get legal here and get papers to work so that I can live a NORMAL life here. The funny thing is that no one really knows the laws. You always get different answers. I am so confused. Luckily I should be finding things out for sure next month as the new immigration laws go into effect. But I will write about this later. Because it is a really interesting/stressful process and everyone has their own unique experiences. And if you are a traveler at heart and want to visit Spain one day, this would be of interest. So stay tuned for tommorow.............

But I got cheered up today by watching birdies here. If you are a bird lover, Barcelona is a great place to watch birds.

On the way to work this morning I saw an old man sitting on the bench, feeding a huge crowd of birds. At first I thought it was disgusting because there was shit all over the ground. But then I began to watch him.

There were so many birds surrounding him: Seagulls, pigeons, cute little plump birdies................ And the man captured their attention. He would just throw bread and they would all go for it. It's strange how the birds weren't really fighting each other. They just waited around for the next throw or bread. And they were all looking at him and squawking at him almost in unison. Kinda like the birds in Finding Nemo : Mine, Mine, Mine..................... Lol. It was like a guy throwing candy to a crowd of kids.

Thats not the only thing I love on my way to work. We have lots of palm trees outside and monk parakeets live inside them. They are beautiful emerald green birds that have an awful squawk. And they have attitudes. They like to eat the fruit/nuts in the palm trees. And as I am walking to work, I get hit by the falling pieces. I always look for them on my way in and out of work.

Barcelona is a city with pollution, traffic and lots of people. But you still manage to find exotic animals here that are wild. Did you even know that we have wild boars that sometimes make their way into the city ?

Anyways, gotta go but I will update more on getting legal tommorow.

Warning !!! DRAMA and airing dirty laundry !!! Will Return to normal entries tommorow I promise !!

Hello Everyone,

Remember how I said that I got deceived over the weekend? Yeah, I got deceived by a guy. I am still very upset about it. But in a twisted way I am glad it happened and that I got out unharmed. Because I really learned a valuable lesson. And I mean it. I am so lucky. I will be more cautious in the future.

I am posting this on my journal as a form of therapy and once I am done doing this I will have washed my hands of it all and won´t speak of it again. I am kinda tired of talking about it but not always giving details. I just need to let it out and get it over with. If you don´t wanna read about drama please stop here. Now you´ve had a fair warning..............................

Basically, a guy started talking to me here on AOL since September. We went to the same school for four years and lived in the same apartment complex for 2 years. He had a way of making me feel comfortable, and we talked off and on. How could I be so sure he lived near me and went to the same school as me for so long? The pictures he showed me of him were of the apt complex we lived in and of people we both knew.

So we talk off and on and he was playing the dork card. Telling me that he saw me for 2 years and wanted to talk to me but never had the courage. In fact, he told me that he once tried to talk to me, but that I ignored him (the old trick of getting me to feel guilty and open up). And he was always so nice. I thought that it was so refreshing to actually meet a nice guy in my area.

Then before you know it I start liking the guy and we started making plans. He invited me to come as his date to his graduation. That when I come back from Spain we can start hanging out. I didn´t consider him as a boyfriend. I still dated other guys in Spain and told him, but I did consider him to be someone that I would like to get to know when I get back to the states.

Well, all was well until I got an IM from his ex warning me about him. The whole time we were talking online and he was telling me he´d be "waiting for me" he had a serious gf that he was planning on moving to another state to be with and that he was going to marry.

But that´s not all. He had like 4 or 5 other girls on the side for sex. He eventually got busted around Christmas when she answered his mobile and heard another girl say she was his girlfriend.

At first, I thought that the ex girlfriend was jealous and out to get me. I didn´t want to believe her. Then she told me stuff that he said to her that he said to me. Almost the same. She also showed me pictures too, and I couldn´t deny it.

I know that people are gonna tell me "Oh Honey, you have to be more careful." I am normally careful. But I gave him a chance because we crossed paths so many times and live in the same area. Plus he seemed normal and was nice but not perverted.

Yes I am still upset. Yeah, yeah I know that I should get over it and just move on. Well, I am moving on. I sent him an e-mail and told him never to contact me. I am also concentrating on getting papers here and getting a real job here, which would be a dream come true. But the fact is that what he did was mean, and I didn´t see it coming. And I am gonna be pissed.

I am real upset because I feel like such a fool. Plus, what about when other guys come up to me in the future ? I can´t live my life without dating any guys. I refuse to hide and be afraid. But at the same time, how am I supposed to know if he is truly sincere or an asshole ?

I am also upset for his ex. She told me the wonderful plans that they had and how he convinced her that she was the only one for him. I can´t imagine how she felt the day she found out he cheated. Had I gone out with him, he woulda led me down the same path.

The funny thing about this was while he was busy whoring around he was too dumb to cover is tracks. Therefore, he got busted. So I wrote him an e-mail as a final farewell with some tips to make his dating life a little easier.

Dear APAD5,

I am sorry about your grandmother. Yeah, that is sad. You know I just lost mine. Too bad you used it as an excuse as to why you "haven´t been around".

But let me give you a few tips in the future to make your life a little easier okay ? Because even a guy like you that plays the dork card and uses smooth lines on girls still has a lot to learn.

1.) I know that you gotz "hoes in different area codes". That´s the oldest trick in the book. But God damn, dude. Use a different e-mail or username for God´s sakes. That will make it harder for the gals to trace you. How could you be so clueless to keep using the SAME username on everyone? How come I, a cute little innocent girl has to tell you that?

2.) Turn off the damn cell phone when your girlfriend is around. How dumb can you be? All you hadto do was press a button. What, your "boyz" or your "crew" didn't tell you that?

3.) And for the love of all that´s holy choose dumber girls. I mean, if you choose intelligent girls they will find out. C´mon. Do I have to tell you that too? Look, you live in San Jose. That place is Ghetto-Faboulous. You have lots of opportunities for easy pussy.

How can a guy that is book smart and raised from a good family turn out to be such a moron ? You can´t even cover your own ass. If you had covered your ass, this shit would have never happened and I woulda never found out, and who knows ? I mighta been something to brag about to "yo boyz".

But here is why I pity you: You threw away a good girl all in the name of Machismo. I don´t know Katie very well, but she sure has things going for her and is intelligent. And you threw it all away.

And here's that saddest part. You aren´t sorry. You say that, but only because you are lonely and are starting to realize the heartache that you caused. But you will never change your ways and you will always continue to get as many girls as you can. You will die a lonely man. All because you are horny and need to be the Macho Man.

But I am not bitter. After all I never met you face to face. I am actually thankful I have washed my hands of you and never actually been put through hell because of you.

But I do want to thank you for this experience. I will know how to run next time I meet a dude like you.

Ciao.

This is why I love Barcelona

Hello Everyone,

These are my latest photos taken since December. There is a mixture of parties, photos taken as I was wandering down the streets as well as my latest trip to Montserrat and Mont Juic. Enjoy !

OMG. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Hello Everyone,

First of all I want to send out a special thank you to a gal I talked to on the phone last night. She knows who she is, and she gave me some friendly advice. I swear to God that there is an angel looking out for me.  Girl, I hope that you come back to read my journals and that we keep in contact. You are welcome anytime.

Basically, I got decieved big time and I had no idea. Luckily nothing happened to me, but I still got decieved. My shock from yesterday turned into anger today. From now on it will be much more difficult to believe anything that comes out of a man´s mouth. Do I hate men now ? No. The truth is that men and women have to learn to live with eachother, so I won´t let this experience ruin me. But damn, what do I have to do to get some respect around here? Do I really have to turn into a bitch?

Anyways, I did a language exchange with someone today and we went to to Montserrat and Mont Juic. Both are mountains with gorgeous views. I found the guy to be absolutely boring, but hey. He was probably annoyed with me when I had a hard time understanding him. What I don´t understand is why he agreed to go with me to the high mountains when he kinda has a fear of heights.

Anyways, I did get some absolutely gorgeous pictures out of it and I will post them as soon as I can.

On another note there is no hot water here and I really want to take a shower. It´s hell washing the dishes in cold water with cold weather and freezing hands.

Okay, I am hoping that this week will be better for me and that something good happens.

Ciao.

This goes out to my readers

Hello Everyone,

Yeah, I am writing for the second time in a row today. I am home alone and bored, Just trying to get over this damn cold. I swear to God that I get sick every month. Must be due to the intense hatred that I have for my telemarketing job.

Anyways, I don´t know how many readers I have. All that I know is that I am lucky if people leave their comments behind. That´s probably because AOL is stupid and only permits members to leave comments. But I did wanna take a few minutes to thank a few people that leave comments.

I would also like to say that I value all of my readers, and their opinions. Sometimes I am busy and can´t respond back. But I still appreciate it when people stop by and read or leave comments.

Anyways........................

Angela- You have been a faithful commentor on my journals for a while. I haven´t seen you around much lately and I miss the comments. Hopefully you´ll be back soon.

Resettozero- I have no idea who you are or what you are like, but thanks for stopping by and leaving comments once in a while. Do you have a journal? If not, maybe one day you´ll tell me a little bit about yourself.

Katie (snillums) - Thanks for stopping by and leaving comments. You also have another username. I tried e-mailing you at both screennames but I was unsuccessful. It seems that we both have a huge passion for traveling and seeing the world. Hopefully you´ll continue to read my journal. Do you have a journal?

Jessie- Congrats on your new engagement. I stop by your journal once in a while, but I don´t always leave comments. I hope to see you around here once in a while.

And here is a shout out to the people I know personally...............

1.) Mom- I know that you read my journals whenever you get a chance and that means a lot to me.

2.) Chachi- I don´t know if you still read my journal, but I appreciate it when you do and leave comments. I hope you are doing well and that work is treating you better.

4.) Hapygirl- Oh Girl, I miss you. I hope that your job is getting better and that you are getting a raise. I hope that you are doing well and that we can hang out when I get back.

5.) Christina- Due to your busy work schedule and school I will bevery shocked if you read this. I really miss you and hope that your schedule isn´t wearing you out. We have a lot of catching up to do when I get back.

If I missed anyone, I am really sorry.

 

Shopping and job searching

Hello Everyone,

Right after my little rant on yesterday´s journal entry I went across the street to get my hair trimmed. It is an English salon, and the lady did a nice job on my hair. She was from Finland. She was very talkative too, which was nice.

And I gotta say that my hair looks nicer. I am growing it out as long as possible, and now that the dead ends are off, it looks fuller.

Then I headed to the mall to visit my favorite shop H&M. I got a blouse and a nice skirt for the summer. It was like 70% off. I also got a skirt on sale that will make people wonder why the hell I chose to wear it. All I can say is that it looks very wierd. But I like it, and in this city people can wear whatever the hell they want and no one cares. So I am gonna try and wear something funky for a change. If people here can sport a mullet, I can definitely get away with a funky skirt.

I was supposed to go out today, but I got the cold. So I cancelled. I was gonna visit Montserrat, a beautiful mountainous area here in Catalunya with a monestary. I will try and reschedule.

I am also trying to leave my job. I have to wait until Feb 15th until we know the laws for sure. There is a new law that will make it a lot easier for immigrants to get working papers. Since I have a chance and so far fit the requirements I will give it a shot. I got nothing to lose. If nothing works out, I am on a plane in June anyways.

I also spent hours reading job offers and sending my resume in. My roommate helped me fix my resume in Spanish and posted it to job websites. So now all I have to do is click a button to apply. I must have applied to at least 30 positons.

I hope to God that I find something. But its gonna be difficult since I don´t have working papers. I know that I will be facing lots of rejection. Every American in the same position as me knows that. But at least there is hope and at least I have a chance. Kinda like the lottery, but at least I have a better chance of getting a job than winning the lottery.

 

A rant about los hombres

Hello,

Okay, I usually don´t write about my dating life, or my opinions about men here. Because, well the truth is it´s private for the most part. And well, I don´t have a lot of nice things to say about dudes anyways.

However, I have to let it out today, and I will make it fast because I have a hair appt in 5 minutes.

I wish that some men would understand that just because I love to go out and dance and enjoy them as a dance partner DOES NOT mean that I wanna take it any further. For fucks sake. What the hell am I doing wrong. Then he makes me look like the asshole. Then he tries to tell me they doesn´t like me anyways. Please. I may be ditzy, but c´mon. I am not a dumbass.

I have more to say, but ya know, I am in a hurry and I gots to go.

Ciao.

 

You´re not gonna believe this

Hello Everyone,

I just got done deciding that I am gonna go back home to CA. I just got done telling my student that I can´t teach him anymore. I even mailed some of my stuff home. I even had plane tickets. But deep, down, I knew that I wasn´t gonna leave.

I am staying here at least until June. The reason I am staying is just way to long to get into here and I don't wanna get into it anyways. I really wanna be in CA right now, but homesickness isn´t a good reason to just go back home. I came here with specific goals, and I have to make sure that I accomplish them.

I hope to Gawd that these next 5 months will fly by.

Shopping Sales

Hello Everyone,

OMG, I went shopping today. There are so many sales going on. H&M is officially my favorite store. I bought some nice clothes. And I got them at 50% off.

I also went to the big mall near my house and it is so nice. I didn´t have any money on me which was a good thing. Otherwise I would have overspent. But I will be sure to go back before the week is over.

What else? I am supposed to go skiing this weekend in Andorra. I am really looking forward to it. I haven´t been skiing in 4 years. It´s like a rush for me.

Anyways, I better go. Ciao.

Okay, back.

Hello Everyone,

Okay, I am back. It was a short siesta, I know. But I had to decide what the hell I was gonna do. If I was gonna stay here in Barelona for a while longer or come home. I just didn´t wanna keep writing about it here, so I took a break.

And I finally am deciding to come home for reals. I really love Barcelona, and I am a little sad that I didn´t get to see the rest of Spain. And to top it off, I even have a chance to get working papers if I just stay till April.

But I still prefer to come home. Though I absolutely adore Europe, living and working here isn´t so important to me anymore. Being away really made me appreciate my own country more. And I realize that while many other countries hate the States, I will still salute to the US flag with pride.

Although I am going back home, it is not for good. I will be working like a dog to start paying off my student loans, as well as gaining work experience. Meanwhile I will be planning my next trip abroad. My travels aren´t over. I think that I will go to China next.

Okay, gotta go now. Ciao.

Siesta

Hello,

Until further notice, I am taking a siesta from this journal for a little while. Not too long, but for some time.

Ciao.

My thoughts for the day

Hello Everyone,

Shoot, I wonder if anyone even reads my journals anymore. I am the type of person that visits a lot of peoples' journals, but I don´t leave comments. Okay, maybe I do once in a while I do if I am moved enough or want to put in my 2 cents. But I do like to read other journals and see what goes on in the daily lives of others.

I noticed that it has been a week that no one has left any comments. Maybe my readers are like me and just don´t comment. Oh well. Whatever it is, I won´t know for sure.

As I was walking home yesterday, I saw my favorite little doggies in the elevator. The neighbor above us has dogs and it is always nice to see them in the elevator. They jump up on me and let me pet them. I love dogs. I want to have a dog one day. Although they are messy and require lots of care, they love you unconditionally and will be your companion for life.

What else ? Oh yeah, I saw a fire break out yesterday while I was on my way to the internet shop. Of course there just had to be an audience. People were crowding around to get a peek. They probably were tourists.

And tonight I am gonna make sure that I am home on time to watch my favorite Spanish series: Aqui no hay quien viva. I absolutely love the janitor. So funny. I can buy the whole DVD set here, but unfortunately I don´t know if I would be able to change the regions on the DVD players in the states. What a shame.

I am still deciding whether to come home or not, but I think that I am leaning more towards coming back home. But I am not gonna get into that today.

Okay, gotta go. Ciao.

 

 

A Weight on my Chest

Hello Everyone,

First of all, I am sad. We had a death in the family on my stepdad´s side. It was his mother. I don´t really wanna get into it, but I feel really sad for my stepdad. She was a woman to admire. I wish I could have known her better. She was really strong and wise. I will miss her, even though I didn´t have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her.

I told my parents that I love them very much. So far I have been lucky to have most of my family members in my life. And what luck that is. But I know that one day I am going to start losing family. Nothing is a guarantee, and people you know can be taken from you anytime.

Moving along, I feel that buying my unrefundable plane tix home was a mistake. I bought it during the vacation when I was sick with the flu, depressed, missing my family and going through stuff with my flatmate. Take it from me, don´t do that. Wait until you get better before making a big decision like that.

Now that the vacation is over, my flu is gone and I have mainly resolved stuff with my roommate, I am realizing that maybe it was a mistake. If I stay here for 4 more months, I can be a resident here for a whole year.

But then again, I would have to rely on my roommate and live with him for while longer. And I really, really don´t want to do that for a variety of reasons. But at the same time, I also really do miss home and want to get my life back in order. But for sure, I am quitting the telemarketing job. That has gotta go. I can´t stand how I feel there any longer.

I don´t know what to do. I think that I am gonna end up coming home. But I am not going to be happy about it. In ways, I feel like I am failing. But then again, I still have lots of opportunities. It is not the end of the world if I don´t end up living and working legally in Spain.

I have asked people for advice, but it is not helping me at all. Either way, I am gonna be happy and sad.

Anyways, I better go now. Ciao.

My thoughts about Barcelona................

Hello Everyone,

I went out last night to go dancing, but we had to cut it short because my stomach hurt too much to dance. I was a little miffed. Because I really wanted to practice the Latin dance moves. But I am not too upset, because we are gonna try again tommorow night. I love to dance. Especially to Mark Anthony's voice. I am a white girl with a Latin soul. :)

Today I slept in late and went over for lunch at my roommate's parents house.

I am gonna miss this city. Here are some things I am gonna miss...............

1.) The food. I ate really well here. I absolutely love Spanish food. And people cooked for me. And they love it.

2.) Not worrying about getting attacked or shot. My biggest worry is getting my purse stolen. And I can go out by myself at night.

3.) Minivans and SUVs do not exist here. And if they do, they are very rare. I hate those vehicles.

4.) There isn´t so much political correctness and censorship here as there is in the states.

5.) People on the streets and in your apartment building with talk to you. Neighbors know each other , and it is not strange to walk up to a stranger and talk to him/her.

6.) The old architecture and deep history in the city,

7.) The most beautiful sunrises and sunsets you could imagine.

And here is what I am looking forward to when I go back to the states..

1.) Good customer service.

2.) Being able to understand people.

3.) Being a citizen and having full legal rights

4.) Free refills on drinks

5.) Not so many people pissing in the streets

6.) Smoke free environment

7.) And most importantly, my family

Okay, I better get back to looking for a decent job when I get back. Ciao.

TGIF

Hello Everyone,

Well, I should have gone to work yesterday, but I didn´t. I ended up having a coughing fit that kept me up all night. So I was too tired to go in. But I still shoulda dragged myself in because my bosses let people go after 2 hours and I still woulda gotten paid.

So, I went in today, but then I got a nasty stomach ache just as I sat down to make calls. I think I have heartburn or indigestion. I don´t know, but whatever it was I was hurtin'. And I couldn´t drink coffee so I was tired at the same time. Luckily my coworkers came to the rescue and gace me some medicine. But the medicine wore off quickly.

I spent yesterday's holiday with my rommate's family. I got jewelry, a scarf and mittens and pajamas. I bought the parents a book about food in the US, the sister a nice soap basket from Sephora and my roommate a Spanish-English dictionary with a CD to help him learn English.

I am supposed to go skiing in Andorra next Saturday. I think that will be fun. I haven´t been skiing in over 4 years. I hope I don´t fall. Actually, I know I will, but I just hope that I don´t lose my skis.

I am glad that tommorow is Sat. I plan on sleeping in half the day.

Ciao.

Biggest Holiday of the Year

Hello Everyone,

Tommorow is the biggest holiday of the year here in Spain, and then the Christmas holidays are officially over. Thank God !!! This was my first Christmas season abroad and it was hard for me to deal with.

Tommorow I will go to my roommate´s parents house after work to join in the festivies. I also went to see the parade after work today. I took pictures. I normally hate parades. But this one was cool. And people from the floats were throwing candy. I got hit in the head a couple of times, but at least I got some candy. There were also sooooo many children. I kinda got shaken around a little.

My plans are made. I am really going home. The tickets are bought, I told my family and talked to my boss. Now I am questioning whether I am doing the right thing or not. I guess I can change my plans if I really had to, but I think I am just gonna go home. I just hope that I don´t get depressed while I am back. I only spent about 7 months here, but I feel like I have been here all my life. I feel like I lived my life intensely here. My life in the states is a distant memory.

But at least I still have about a month to see what Barcelona has to offer. And if I really am not happy back home, I can always come back. After all, I have no attachments. No pets, boyfriend or car.

Okay, better go to bed now. It´s late and I have to be awake for work tommorow. Gotta have enough energy to deal with the bitchy secretaries. Speaking of which, remember the lady I hung up on in yesterday's entry that bitched me out ? Well, I called her twice today and slammed the phone on her again. I am sure she know´s it's me but it´s not like she can be rude to me again, because I slam down the phone so fast that she doesn´t have time to think. And I will be a part of her everyday routine till I quit. Hell, I may even take her number with me to the states. Normally, I don´t do such things and stoop to low levels, but ya know I have a limit AND I am bored with my job. She provides me with something my bosses never could: amusement.

Okay, I am done for reals. Ciao.

What´s on my mind

Hello everyone,

Well, I calmed down a little. Jesus, I realized that I really am good at getting all worked up after reading my last entry. I am really coming back to CA. I bought all my tickets and everything. I will be back in the middle of Feb.

I felt so much better after I bought the tickets. I feel like I am more in control of the situation. And now that I know that I am not gonna be here in this city alone forever, I feel relieved. Because now I actually have a plan to follow.

Now I am just gonna enjoy the last month that I have in this beautiful city, and not stress out so much.

I know that I will have a hell of a time trying to get back into the groove of things back in CA but I am not gonna think about that right now.

Anywho, I worked today and people were at their bitchiest with me. I accidently dialed the same number twice and the woman bitched me out. And in the middle of her bitching, I slammed the phone down in her ear. Now that is pure bliss. I think it is the full moon.

I swear, telemarketing really messes with your nerves. I am glad that I am leaving this job pronto. I know people are annoyed with my calls. But damn, all they have to do is tell me that they aren´t interested and I´ll crawl back into my hole and leave them alone.

Thursday is gonna a huge holiday. Although people here celebrate Christmas, they save all the gift givings for el dia de los reyes. (Kings Day). All the stores are crowded. I have to work that day, but I do have all my gifts ready to give my roommate and his family. I bought the stuff early, Thank God.

Oh yeah, and I also went to the Picasso museum today. I loved it. The museum here in Barcelona mainly focused on his earlier years. There is another museum in Madrid. But Picasso was a very talented man. Plus, the museum itself was beautiful with a lot of history. The trip was definitely worth it. Especially if you love art.

Okay, gotta go now. Ciao.

 

Hello There my lovelies.........

Yes, it´s me again ! I am back, writing for the second time in the same day.

I am a very confused individual. Those of you that know my might go a little further and say that I can be a drama queen. I am so confused at this point in my life. Sometimes I just wish that I had my life straightened out.

I am not feeling so happy. So what else is new ? I have had a lot of entries like this.

I am making my plans to come home and I realized that I really do love this city.  But I also feel trapped here and want my freedom that I had back in CA back. I don´t know what to do. I feel like I am never just going to be happy. You know what I mean? All I really want is to be happy. But I did have a lot of happy monents here, too. But not right now.

Earlier today at work I just wanted nothing more than to go back home. Then I walked around the city after work and realized how much I love Barcelona. Hell, I don´t even know what I want sometimes.

I am also depressed because I called my old boss at Red Lobster and asked for my job as a waitress back. He told me that he would think about it. I couldn´t even get a definite yes on a stupid waitressing job. To be honest I would hate having to go back to serving. True, I need the money and would do it if I had to. However, I did that while I was in school. I graduated. Now is the time to actually get a job that deals with what I went to school for. I would be so sad if I had to put that apron back on and listen to people bitch about how their salmon is undercooked.

Anyways, you get point. I am feeling depressed and very alone right now. The feeling really bites. Maybe I should write more happy entries. But I am not going to right now. I need to keep this journal real. I plan on looking back at this one day.

Okay, Ciao.

Coming Home

Hello Everyone,

Today I took my first steps in planning my trip home. I packed up a lot of crap that I have and sent it home by mail. Unfortunately there is a weight limit with my luggage, so I am trying to avoid as much hassle as possible the day I fly. You know how anal the European airlines can be.

I also changed my return flight from Barcelona to Austria. I was origionally gonna visit Austria in May, but I changed it to Feb. I plan to leave Spain on Feb 1st. Before I go back to the states in mid-February, I would like to spend time with my family in Austria.

I still gotta by my ticket from Germany to the states, but I still got time for that.  But I did talk to my boss and I am making sure that I am getting paid the day I leave. I am working hard for that money. The exchange rate with the Euro is awesome right now. $1.38 to a Euro. I plan on cashing in big time. Feel sorry for Americans changing their dollars here. I had to do that during the summer, and I really felt the pain.

I also gotta call my old boss back at da Red Lobsta and ask for my old job back as a server so I can pay rent. Gawd, I hated that job, but not as much as I hate telemarketing.

I also gotta look for a car and a roommate. Sheesh, the list of shit I gotta do just goes on and on. But, I have a month so I am not too worried.

Anyways, y'all get the idea. I am coming home soon if my plans work out.

Okay, gotta go. Ciao.

 

First Entry for 2005

Hello All,

I can´t believe the new year has arrived so fast !!!! I was thinking about this journal and I really wish that I could have a much more private journal that is friends only. Because there are a lot of things that I wish I could write. But as I thought about it, not many people even read my journal to begin with. So, there would be no point in doing that.

I am going through a rough time right now and I really need someone to talk to. I talked to my parents a little and it helped, but I also wish that I could talk to a friend.

Basically, I have decided that my trip is pretty much over for reasons that I can´t really get into here. I have thought about a lot of things and decided that it´s just not worth it to stay here anymore. Although I have had a lot of fun and learned a lot of things, my harships are starting to outweigh the happiness. But I will still say that the trip was certainly worth it. I needed to get out and do this. I am hoping to leave here by the end of this month, but that is just a plan. Of course things may change.

Anyways, I have to say that I had a nice New Years. After eating dinner at my roommate´s family, we went out to a club and stayed there till 7am when it closed. Needless to say, I slept the whole day. I woke up at 6pm. I am still tired.

Okay, gotta go now. Ciao.