A Weight on my Chest

Hello Everyone,

First of all, I am sad. We had a death in the family on my stepdad´s side. It was his mother. I don´t really wanna get into it, but I feel really sad for my stepdad. She was a woman to admire. I wish I could have known her better. She was really strong and wise. I will miss her, even though I didn´t have the opportunity to spend a lot of time with her.

I told my parents that I love them very much. So far I have been lucky to have most of my family members in my life. And what luck that is. But I know that one day I am going to start losing family. Nothing is a guarantee, and people you know can be taken from you anytime.

Moving along, I feel that buying my unrefundable plane tix home was a mistake. I bought it during the vacation when I was sick with the flu, depressed, missing my family and going through stuff with my flatmate. Take it from me, don´t do that. Wait until you get better before making a big decision like that.

Now that the vacation is over, my flu is gone and I have mainly resolved stuff with my roommate, I am realizing that maybe it was a mistake. If I stay here for 4 more months, I can be a resident here for a whole year.

But then again, I would have to rely on my roommate and live with him for while longer. And I really, really don´t want to do that for a variety of reasons. But at the same time, I also really do miss home and want to get my life back in order. But for sure, I am quitting the telemarketing job. That has gotta go. I can´t stand how I feel there any longer.

I don´t know what to do. I think that I am gonna end up coming home. But I am not going to be happy about it. In ways, I feel like I am failing. But then again, I still have lots of opportunities. It is not the end of the world if I don´t end up living and working legally in Spain.

I have asked people for advice, but it is not helping me at all. Either way, I am gonna be happy and sad.

Anyways, I better go now. Ciao.