Tuesday, September 22, 2009

By the way, I am married..............

So I recently learned that the wool has been pulled over my eyes.

I've become friends with my coworker, who I've been working with on the same shift for the past year and a half. In that time, we've gotten to know each other and talk about our lives. I've shared a lot of stuff with him. He helped me move and called me his friend.

I've always asked him about his life and if he is married or has children but his answers always varied. Sometimes he said that it's none of my business, other times he said he had a roommate. I also asked him if he had children and he said that he didn't. He would talk like a single man, telling me about different girls he's talked to or issues he's had with females.

And because I am not attracted to him, I never thought much about it even though in the back of my mind I felt like he was full of shit. We don't have a relationship and he was never tried to be inappropriate with me. So there wasn't much I could do.

I thought that maybe he was a player and had a few girls on the side, but I didn't know that he was actually married until today and married for a long time. He is not only married, but he has 4 children. I also didn't realize that he was older than he said. He said that he was 35-37 when he is probably 40. I found out through a coworker who told me he helped fill out his eldest child's FAFSA. He's also spoken to his wife over the phone. Finally one of my coworkers finally tells me something. I've been kept in the dark the whole time.

I feel deceived. He went through a lot of effort to talk to me and get to know me. It took a lot of talking to me to slowly gain some of my trust. We both grew up in the same town and went to the same schools so we bonded over that. He really went out of his way to act like a nice guy and a gentleman. When we worked together he would really try to get me to open up. It was an effort, and he was into the thrill of the chase.

There was no reason at all for him to conceal the fact that he is married with four children, his oldest being in college. He knew I wasn't into him. I used to ask him all the time if he had a wife or children. He never could acknowlege that. Why ? I would've talked to him at work irregardless. However, if I knew that he was married earlier I wouldn't have been friends outside the workplace. And we only hung out once, when he helped me move. I definitely wouldn't have solicited his help if I knew he was married.

I don't like married men, especially married men that conceal that they are married and put in a lot of effort to get to know me. Especially married men with children. So gross. Especially since he knows how I feel about married men.

At least I am not working with him anymore due to the recent schedule changes.


Paul Nichols said...

More Hats for your viewing pleasure.

Loving Annie said...

Most important awareness in this post is that your instincts told you early on he was "full of shit".

You knew his answers were evasive, and varied, another red flag.

So your INNER SELF, that aprt of you thast rings most true, KNEW he was a liar.

Yes he deceived you, Senorita. However, you were also to some degree willing to deceive yourself.

Once you consciusly choose to acknowledge your own inner guide and not give your power away before it is earned/deserved "he gained some of my trust" - these sort of hurts or lessons will disappear.

This was just an example of how important it is for you to be your own judge of character - and depend less on someone else's words about who and what they are.


Kerrie said...

I can only think that he was into you. There is no other reason to conceal his marriage and kids. He sounds like a right pillock.
However I don't have a problem with anyone hanging out with my husband as I know he would be boring the arse off them with tales about what we had been upto.

Liam said...

I could write a book on the amount of lies that dudes tell women. But I could write an encyclopedia on the amount of times women have fallen for them.

You were lucky you trusted your instincts and you were right.

Mike said...

For some guys that's just a way of life. They never tell the truth which allows them never to be fully honest. It's their lifestyle and every woman they meet is practice.

MindyMom said...

What a pig!

Big Mark 243 said...

I think that you have recieved some great comments about the situation. Your instincts didn't have to be detailed as much as they needed to be followed. They told you 'keep your distance' and you did.

Being able to trust yourself is often underrated. The importance of being able to be your own judge of character will be key in avoiding the various douchebags out there.

I think this is a step CLOSER to being ready for the kind of love you want. The 'nick' you got from this relationship will heal and you have added to your knowledge and will be able to judge who is suitable for you in a relationship.

PorkStar said...

I agree with Kerrie and the dudes commenting. The guy tried his hardest to conceal just in case he had a chance, i'm sure. I'm sure his wife didn't even know he helped you move or knew anything at all about you.


mac said...

Well, I was married.

She left me, citing something about me being an asshole that didn't listen to her, or something else, I'm not sure.

And, man, did she get mean after she left.

But to lie about a wife and kids? Never! That's just a problem waiting to happen. What did he think might happen when you found out the truth?

Funny thing, I have been on the other end of the truth before. I told a woman who was interested in me that I was married. She thought I was making it up. "WHY?", is all I could say. "Who would make up such a story?".

Random Esquire said...

What a weirdo. I mean, really. Who the hell does this sort of thing? Talk about insecure, stupid, and an asshole.


* Ashleigh * said...

Again, I'm really sorry this happened. I didn't even get that idea when I met the guy - I'd hate to be his wife!

You're going to be ok my Senorita; your B.S. radar is still strong!

Also I think it's awesome the amount of solid insight people have contributed via comments :)

Organic Meatbag said...

Wait, you hate married guys, so does that mean you hate me too? Poor, innocent me? *sobs*...hehehehe...