Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I want to be your sincere friend with benefits....

Hola Fur balls,

I've been perusing the Craigslist ads again for entertainment. So many men are underlaid up there. There are so many ads out there where these men have something in common: They want someone to come out and play with their ding dongs. So these guys attempt to word their pleas differently in order to stand out.

One way is to ask for a friend with benefits, but say that he is sincere. So he wants a deep connection and sex with a woman, but he doens't want to put in the work and take her out and get to know her. He wants the relationship without the baggage, without the struggles.

Here you go my little loves, my "manslation" in bold...................

Title: "FWB" but more substantial and sincere than that Babe, I sincerely want to bang you with my substance.

Yes, what I'm essentially looking for is a friends with benefits relationship. But I'm looking for a connection in the purest sense. In the Biblical sense, baby. I wanna be like Moses and part your sea. I don't have the energy to immerse myself in the dating scene. I refuse to put any effort in a woman and when we go out, I will insist that we go Dutch. I'm also not the type of guy who'd walk into a bar and hit on every living, breathing thing. That's because I would have to buy them drinks first, and I don't want to spend the money. I find that obnoxious That's because even if I did step out of character and buy a drink, I still wouldn't get laid. So add all these factors, and you might understand why I chose to resort to craigslist. Because obviously Craigslist is the answer to your problems, lol.

I want the physical aspect but without the emotional baggage. I want to plow that field, but I don't want to go out there, and work for it. However, this doesn't mean I want to meet lifeless ragdoll that I can use and discard Using blowup dolls is getting kinda boring. I honestly want to meet someone who is more or less on the same page as I am. I want it to be mutual, fun, and uncumbered by anything. It won't be a cold, joyless act. Well not for me anyway, I will be too busy focusing on me, I will forget to ask you how you feel. Also, whenever you feel like it's not working out, feel free to tell me and I'll respectfully go about my own way. Sweet cheeks, I am only saying this, I will call you up and let you go after I feel things are getting a little close, and I will expect you to go away quietly. I can't stress enough that it won't turn out to be a big mistake. I can't stress enough that I am starting to sound desperate. If it doesn't pan out, we can leave and act as if nothing had happened. Because I obviously know how women think and operate.

I've put on my optimist/idealist cap and hope to find a lover who is searching for what I'm searching for. Actually, it's not my cap that is optimistic, it's my penis. Please send me a reply and we can talk. Like I said, you're never obliged to anything, and I won't ever force your hand because my hand has been forced enough every night. Let's work something out together as I am tired of working one out alone. I look forward to your message.


Angela said...

Hahahaha, was fuer ein Meisterstueck! I habe gelacht wie verrueckt!!!

Ich glaube das war Deine beste manslation....

Vielen Dank! Und viele Bussi

Danielle said...

I was bored today and looked at the Denver adds. Same dirt bags out here too. Thank God I am not single. Wow.

Loving Annie said...

ha-ha-ha-ha, OMG, you SO crack me up !!!!!!

Hope that your Wednesday is going well, Senorita !

Scarlet said...

I love how it's not his cap that's optimistic but his penis! Hahaha

You really tell it like it is! So many men are out there looking for this kind of "fun 'n run," and unfortunately, not all of them are this obvious about it...they'll wine and dine you and then turn into this guy, seemingly overnight. I feel so bad for my single friends in Miami; I can't tell you how many of them have dated THIS GUY!

Mike said...

Yeah, but he's sincere.

Kerrie said...

Friends with benefits,..sounds like my marriage, but when you are married the beneifts definately decrease. I actually love personal adds, they are so funny but it must be hard if you are seriously looking at them to meet someone. You just know that Mr Handsome and sensitive is Mr Fat and can't be arsed.

Big Mark 243 said...

This was one of your better 'manslations'. It still baffles me why any kinda self respecting woman would ever respond to one of these ads. But it happens everyday, I guess.

Hey, I guess you are a hit in Germany. You and David Hasselhoff!! LOL

Kristen said...

I love your translation! Too funny. Umm. But I didn't see a link to his plea. I mean in case I have a friend that might be interested. Cuz I am so NOT interested.

Organic Meatbag said...

Haaa! have this manslation stuff down to a science!

McLuvin said...

i lurve you! you're the funniest!

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