More Confusion...............

Hello Everyone.....................

First of all, I wanna appologize that I don't have any new pictures today, so this old one will have to do.I took it in Austria. I better take some more new pics soon if I want people to keep reading this journal.

I have so many thoughts that run through my head every day. I am lucky if I remember enough to fill a page.

I just wanna say that I worked so hard to come here to Spain and improve my Spanish and maybe find a job. I made so many sacrifices to come here. I  really thought that I was going to love every minute of being here. And I have enjoyed a lot of my time here. I have memories that I will never forget.

 What I didn't really think about is that I would have my hard times here. Right now I want to go back to the US. I really didn't think that I would feel this way. I am struggling with my Spanish, and running out of money. Plus, I miss my family and friends back home. I miss living in my comfort zone. I can't just go and apply for jobs here like I can in the US. I never really considered that it will take me a while to feel like I fit in.

Trust me, even though I feel this way I am not going home. That would be the easy way out. I know that as soon as I go home, I will miss Spain. I also know that one day I will look back on these times favorably and want to return. I know I would regret it if I went home early.

The grass is always greener on the other side. When I was in the US, I wanted to come here to Spain sooooo bad. And when I go to the US I know that I will want to come back here. SO when the hell will I just be happy ??  It is important for me to live my life in the moment and enjoy what I have right now. I was never very good at that. But I am at least trying. If living here has taught me anything, it is that life moves by way too fast and that I need to enjoy the moment that I have in front of me.

And before I go...............I just gotta say that men confuse the living hell out of me. There has got to be an easier way to communicate with them. I met a guy that I like spending time with. We went out today for the third time but this time he was acting different. He is so hard to read. It is so hard to get him to talk to me and tell me what's going on. He makes it so difficult for me to get to know him better. And I can't stand that. Oh well, I am leaving anyways next week so we'll just see where this goes.........................

Anyways, I am tired of writing. I will pour my heart out some more tommorow.