The Final Touches and TROUBLE

Hello my lovelies..............

I FINALLY bought my plane ticket to Europe and reserved a bed in the hostel in Barcelona. I will be staying with my aunt in Austria before I go to Espana. I have been dreaming about this trip for over a year !!!

I have something that I just have to get off my chest. I am kinda talking to this guy. I've been out with him twice and he seems wonderful. PLUS we both have the same cultural background which is rare around here. I am sorta attracted to him, but not all the way. Basically, I don't really feel that spark. I don't feel like reciprocating any feeling. When he hugs me I don't really hug back. He's invited me out on a day trip to take me out, but I told him I was busy. I feel really guilty because he's a good guy, but I don't want to lead him on. Now I don't know if I am simply scared, shallow or he's just not for me. After all, I am leaving in four months and don't wanna just start something and then break it up. Do you know how many jerks I've talked to before before this guy? I think I am going to hell for how I feel.

Here's another interesting tidbit. I've known this other guy for about a year, and he shall forever remain nameless. We hung out a couple of times, but I really haven't seen him in a while. I don't have this mad crush on him, but I do love his company. When we hung out he laughed at my jokes a lot, and he is not a sleazeball. He'd tell me once in a while that I am pretty. I wish that we could go out again, but I know that he doesn't have time for going out. I also think that if I made any move he would turn me down, especially since he's kinda traditional and the guys are supposed to make the move. HE is the guy I would rather go out with. I think I am more attracted to him because is so unavailable (or maybe just plain uninterested. I dunno.)

I am almost tempted to make a move on him if we hang out because I will be leaving in a few months anyways. Heck, if he felt awkward, he'd never have to see me again, and I would be moving on to other things (Spanish hombres). Oh well. I wish I had the guts to do something, but I know myself. We'll talk a couple of more times. Hell, we might even hang out once more. But he'll never know how I've felt.