Monday, October 26, 2009

Advertising Bullshit

Hello there my fuzzy little ducklings,

So I was pondering some of the advertising bullshit that we're subjected to on a daily basis.

Wanna hear my thoughts ? Thought you would never ask.............

1.) Who came up with the term "easy payments"? Like when you are watching TV for something useless, usually on channels like QVC or HSN where those ladies with fake nails are holding up jewelry or gabbing about a bag. Then they say it could be yours for just 3 easy payments ! Plus shipping and handling, which they say real fast so you hopefully don't hear it.

Just hand us over the money ! It's so easy, you won't even know that we took it ! And we'll take it in small amounts, so that you'll feel better. Basically, they hope that you are so stupid that you can't add up the separate payments to see how much you've actually spent.

I don't know about you, but I bust my ass for every red cent I earn. As my friend Porkstar said, I am a work skank extraordinaire ! So that means that there is nothing easy about me handing over my cash.

If you feel handing your cash over is easy, please contact me and I don't mind helping you. It's my pleasure........... You can hand it over to me in small installments if it makes you feel any better. Your welcome :)

2.) This one is for the ladies ! Have you heard about NuvaRing ? Well, I have, because of the same commercial that has been on many of the shows I watch for over a year now. The same commercial with the ladies in the pool singing "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, every day..... Aaaah !........... and repeat !" Oh, that and the slogan "break free from the pack".

For those of you that don't know, its a montly vaginal contraceptive and I wish it would stop airing, as I wish I didn't have the song and saying burned into my brain. Every time I watch TV,the commercial comes on to haunt me.

And for the record, from what I hear you may gain weight from using that or feel depressed. So if you use it, it's probably effective because you're too busy feeling fat and self conscious about the new ass you grew or too depressed to get it on with your lover. Just a thought. But of course, the ladies in the pool in the commercial don't want you to know that. They're just busy with girly drinks in the pool !

3.) Hair dye commercials crack me up ! You can get fabulous hair in just ten minutes ! Such commercials usually have women in a public restroom stressing over their hair ! But no problem, they have the hair dye, and out they walk from the public restroom in their nice business suits with fabulous, sexy, come-do-me hair.

It never takes just ten minutes to dye your hair. You just let it sit and burn through your scalp for ten minutes, and that's before washing out all the dye and styling your hair.

4.) The lastest Vagisil commercials make me laugh. Like recently I was watching a show, probably on the Oxygen Network while watching The Notebook, when BAM ! a Vagisil commercial came on. The announcer basically said that when you suffer from feminine odor or itching, you just don't feel like yourself. In the commercial there was a woman looking in the window while shopping, and she looked sad, like she was too distraught to go in and make a purchase.

Isn't that going too far ? A little feminine problems "down there" never stopped a girl from buying a new skirt or a new pair of shoes. Also, I laugh at the emphasis on "feminine itch". Like, what else do you think the product is used for with a name like Vagisil ? It's not called Penisil. I don't think I could ever imagine a man mistakenly buy it for himself, especially when the packaging is quite frilly and feminine.

I think products like that are better kept off the TV set. We know what they are for, I don't think there is a woman out there (unless she's new to the country) that hasn't heard of Vagisil. It's one of those products that we know is out there, and we know we need it, so when we need it we will go and buy it. We don't need reminders.

Gentlemen, I am sorry if I grossed you out.

Anywho, my fuzzy little quackers that is all for this morning.......


Organic Meatbag said...

awwwww, fuzzy little quackers! I suddenly feel very cute! Thanks for the pick-me-up, S! Hehehehe...

* Ashleigh * said...

You left out one...

"Make your period a happy period!" Ugh that one is so annoying. Wanna make me happy? Give me the frickin week off and pay me for it! Ok and a bit of dark chocolate and lovin' ;)

Loving Annie said...

ha-ha-ha, so true on all of the 3 above !!!

Shadowdancer said...

Who could have guessed that contraceptives would become a fashion statement.

Do women really get together and collectively obsess about 'crotch rot'?

Liam said...

I haven't given much thought to tv shopping. I'm still working through that Oxytoxin thing.

dadshouse said...

Hahahaha! Easy payments is indeed a good one.

I guess when they advertise "difficult payments", no one buys their stuff!

Kerrie said...

This post made me laugh. How true hun.
Most adverts try to play on our insecurities as women and tell us that we can be more sexy, more fun, more fullfilled if we buy X, Y, Z. There is even one that asks " Are you underarms, soft and silky ? " Who gives a toss about their armpit and I am with Ashleigh, " A happy period" you have got to be kidding.

PorkStar said...

hahahahaha this was one funny ass post.

Oh good lord, yes dear, you and I are the biggest work skanks around... well two of the biggest bitches too, so we've been told.

As far as the cork contraceptive thing, I think that's what is making me grow fatter and be a royal bitch like ya'll.... On top of the depressive moods that I get and such.

Just a theory.

And vagisil, even we dudes have heard of it and used it on our respective (or someone elses) wives, GFs, lovers, etc.. and I think Penisil would be a great idea because, seriously, don't you guys complaint that we dudes always scracth our junk all the time?

Well, how's that for an idea about Penisil?

Genious, Sandra, simply Genious!!!

mac said...

Oh, I thought it was vagiseal, an entirely different product indeed. The ones that really get me are the "male enhancement" commercials. I mean, C'mon Smiling Bob is just freakin' weird. And Cialis? If I have a FOUR hour erection, what's-her-name might want to call for reinforcements. But, I'm not calling my doctor immediately - not until my script runs out anyway ;-)....and those stupid commercials for products to treat minor things, like allergies, that have a laundry list of side effects!

Shadowdancer said...

Well.... aren't women supposed to gush and glow if I drink Budweiser?

Senorita said...


I left the Always pads slogan, "have a happy period" out because I've already bitched about it twice before on this blog.

I will bring you dark chocolate next time, but sorry chica, can't help you with the loving ! But you know that Sergio is willing and able, lol.

Everyone, meet Shadowdancer ! He is my glorious father, the one who is responsible for my snarky attitude and twisted sense of humor.

Dad, I honestly don't know if women obsess about vag issues like that, but I do know that you are the one that came up with the term "severe twatitosis"

And remember, the beer of the day is Pilsner. Pilsner ! Pilsner !

Tom Bailey said...

I remember when I first found out what vagisil was I thought it had something to do with female virginity.... yeah I know kind of funny.

Random Esquire said...

I'm laughing that of these 4 examples, one had to do with money and the other three concerned female-geared products.


G.G. said...

Thank you sooooooo much for the laughs! I love it! "It's so easy, you won't even know that we took it!" LMAO LMAO LMAO <3

Senorita said...

Random man with a random filthy dog,

I agree with your observation.

I kept it to female issues because I am female and feel that I can relate to the products better.

Don't get me wrong, there are other commercials out there like Valtrex that make me laugh.

Or the new one about drugs to help treat an enlarged prostate. This old man was shown limping and I had to listen to him complain about how it burned to take a piss.

But I didn't review those products, as I didn't want to get out of line.

Plus, I didn't want my dad coming up here to correct me if I said something wrong about the male products.

*Juliette* said...

And that, my dear, is why I don't watch TV anymore!

OldOldLady Of The Hills said...

LOL, LOL...Well, I really find all those commercials using "feminine products" just such a turn off in every way. What is that one that is for both men anc women...Shoot. I cannot think of the name of it right now, but it supposed to improve your Orgasm...Do we REALLY need that on Television?? Plus, it is pretty much BS anyway!

Have you seen Wanda Sykes HBO Special? It is Hilarious! Especially when she start talking about the medicines for a long lasting erections....And other things too....I actually laughed out loud, a lot!