Monday, October 19, 2009

The Claws Are Out Again.....................

Dear co-worker on the grave shift,

Please stop bitching to my boss about how we on the swing shift don't do our rounds and how nothing ever gets done. Not only do I do all of what is expected of me, but I can prove it to you. I lost three pounds my first week from all the walking and stair climbing that I am doing without going to the gym. My ass deflation= proof that I am doing my rounds.

You, on the other hand, we know you don't do all your work. My coworker has seen a zipperprint on your face, most likely from sleeping on your shift. Yet you complain to my boss that you don't have time to do all your work. All you have to do is check our work. How hard is that ??? Perhaps if you would stop sleeping and masturbating on the job, you would have time to do your job like the rest of us.


Your Coworker

Dear Guy Who Works In Shipping,

Everytime I walk in the shipping area to drop off a package, I feel like I am walking into a big, sweaty armpit. There are about 4 guys in shipping, but we all know that you are the offender. Yeah, I've mentioned that the place smelled like armpit and you glared at me. And no, I am not sorry. Someone needs to break it to you somehow. You wouldn't know the difference if a huge box of Old Spice fell on your head and squished you.

I know you are from a different culture, and that's cool. But please keep in mind that once you infringe on our basic right to breathe clean air, you are no longer allowed to smell like rotted, fermented asshole. It's currently not an amendment, but it really should be. I am tolerant to different beliefs, but I am not so openminded with foul smells. Now please be a good man and put on some Old Spice. Or why don't you just start with taking a bath ?

Thank you !



Okay, I am feeling sick as a dog, and under the influence of cherry Nyquil. I wish you all a good night my little mourning doves.

Un Beso !


Jimmy's Journal said...

Funny stories! I'm glad you liked the picture. As soon as I saw it, I thought of you.


Organic Meatbag said...

Rotten, fermented asshole?!! HAAAAAA!!! Best.line.ever, my dear!

Charmaine said...

Oh yes, the people that complain about the performance of others are merey doing so to hide their own frailties.

They must be confronted. Trust me. They will back down.

I hate people like this.

That One Mom said...

Estas divertida!

Feel better and get some rest!

Liam said...

Hey I really like the beefunky addition to your picture collection.

MindyMom said...


Hope you feel better soon. :)

Big Mark 243 said...

It is easy on the late shift to blame things instead of doing the work and driving on. I think your assesment of the cat pretty much says it all.

As far as the cultural fellow ... man, I remember reading somewhere about how in America we bath the most on average ... it really IS a cultural thing.

The rest of the world thinks their crap don't stink!!

Kerrie said...

I am LOVING the kitty.
You have a workplace where you can masturbate, that sounds like a very liberal enviroment? Your lucky if you can sneeze on the stapler without someone complaining where I work.
Smelly guys are just not acceptable but I am not sure Old Spice is the way to go, maybe just some carbolic soap.

Candice said...

Wait a second! I want to hear about this masturbating story!!

PorkStar said...

Candice, just for the record, she's not talking about me in regards to the masturbating story.. uhm.. right? Sandra? ahem....

did I just put my foot in my mouth?

Oh right, I don't work there anyways...

Femented asshole hahahaha damn.. that was hilarious lol

dadshouse said...

I love these "anonymous" letters. Great stuff.

Get well

Deine Mutter said...

Tut mir leid dass Du schon wieder krank bist. Pass bitte besser auf Dich auf! Oft Haende waschen! Aber Dein Humor ist sehr gesund! Ich lache sehr viel ueber deine Ausdruecke.....


* Ashleigh * said...

You almost made me choke on my Tuxedo cookie....oh man, where is that guy from? Pakistan? Egypt? Does he eat a lot of curry?! Oh man, that was hilarious!

Get better love! I'm barely getting over mine - my voice is almost 100% BUT I got a lingering cough :/