The Claws Are Out Again.....................

Dear co-worker on the grave shift,

Please stop bitching to my boss about how we on the swing shift don't do our rounds and how nothing ever gets done. Not only do I do all of what is expected of me, but I can prove it to you. I lost three pounds my first week from all the walking and stair climbing that I am doing without going to the gym. My ass deflation= proof that I am doing my rounds.

You, on the other hand, we know you don't do all your work. My coworker has seen a zipperprint on your face, most likely from sleeping on your shift. Yet you complain to my boss that you don't have time to do all your work. All you have to do is check our work. How hard is that ??? Perhaps if you would stop sleeping and masturbating on the job, you would have time to do your job like the rest of us.

Love,

Your Coworker



Dear Guy Who Works In Shipping,

Everytime I walk in the shipping area to drop off a package, I feel like I am walking into a big, sweaty armpit. There are about 4 guys in shipping, but we all know that you are the offender. Yeah, I've mentioned that the place smelled like armpit and you glared at me. And no, I am not sorry. Someone needs to break it to you somehow. You wouldn't know the difference if a huge box of Old Spice fell on your head and squished you.

I know you are from a different culture, and that's cool. But please keep in mind that once you infringe on our basic right to breathe clean air, you are no longer allowed to smell like rotted, fermented asshole. It's currently not an amendment, but it really should be. I am tolerant to different beliefs, but I am not so openminded with foul smells. Now please be a good man and put on some Old Spice. Or why don't you just start with taking a bath ?

Thank you !

Love,

Senorita



Okay, I am feeling sick as a dog, and under the influence of cherry Nyquil. I wish you all a good night my little mourning doves.

Un Beso !