Dear Mr. Physical Therapist...........

Dear Mr. Physical Therapist...................

First of all, thank you for all your help, I am finally starting to feel some relief. You also seem to genuinely care about those you treat, and I appreciate that. And a huge thank you for offering to hand out my resume to the appropriate people. That was wonderful, and I am greatful.

But please do keep the following in mind...............


1.) All of us are in one big room, so when you talk to me, everyone else gets to hear what comes out of my mouth as well.

With that said, I was shocked when after you asked if my parents are divorced, you then proceeded to ask why. Why ? I said "differences of opinion."

You kinda snickered and got the hint that I didn't want to talk about it so you explained that you got divorced 8 years ago and have children around my age, so you wanted to know why. Then you waited for me to answer again, so I said "It's long and complicated."

Trust me, you don't want to know why. I don't even like to think back and remember why, and if I told you the whole story, you wouldn't even believe me anyway and then you would label me the crazy lady, so no, you didn't get an answer from me, nor will you in the forseeable future.

2.) When I looked at you like I was disgusted, I was not disgusted at you personally, nor was I doubting your opinions or your advice. I simply was put off by the fact that I saw you massaging the feet of two different people after they were doing a little workout, and then came over to me and had your hands on my neck and scalp. I could still smell that strong gel on your hands. In fact, my hair smelled like that nasty ass icey gel.

I was simply try to remember if I saw you wash your hands or not. I couldn't verify it since I was busy doing my own excercises. I guess I will never know. But thanks for helping me smell like a foot.

3.) When you are working on my jaw, your face is pretty close to mine. Could you please for the love of Baby Jesus have a mint ? It smells like something died in your mouth.

Have you ever seen Ace Ventura Pet Detective ? Did you know that I can quote almost the whole movie ? You should give it a watch sometime.

Anyway, remember when Ace stood up, turned around and talked out of his ass ? His ass said, "Excuse me, I'd like to ASS you a few questions.................. Do you have a mint.......... or perhaps some Binaca ?" Or remember when he made his ass cough and sing ? Asshole...a....mia.......Oh ! Sodomia................

Yeah, well that totally reminded me of you, so when you are dealing with me and I have a smirk on my face, please know what is going through my brain.

4.) Those jaw excercises you are having me do at home, they make me look like I am giving head. I am sure you got a kick out of that when you had me do it to make sure I got it right. Damn, this TMJ condition.

5.) Isn't there another way I can do my arm excercises ? I don't like laying on my stomach and lifting my arms up with weights. My boobs are pressed against the table and it hurts.

Okay, so that is all for now. Have a nice weekend, and we'll do this little dance again on Monday.

Sincerely,

Your patient