What was I thinking ?????

Hello my little nectar sucking hummingbirds,


I am currently 28 and about to turn 29 next month. Ever since I turned 27 I have been doing some serious reflection on my life: Thinking about the past and trying to plan for the future. Just a few years ago when I was in my early twenties, I felt like I had all the time in the world to do whatever. And now, I feel that if I don't grow up fast and come up with a plan, life will pass me by before I know it. Older people laugh at me all the time for feeling this way, but I just think that they have forgotten what it feels like at this age.

People in the spiritual world would say that I am facing my Saturn Return. Here is what Wikipedia has to say:

The Saturn Return is an astrological phenomenon that occurs at the ages of 27-30, 58-60, and finally from 86-88, coinciding with the time it takes the planet Saturn to make one orbit around the sun. It is believed by astrologers that as Saturn "returns" to the degree in which it occupied at the time of birth—approximately every 29.5 years—a person crosses over a major threshold and into the next stage of life. With the first Saturn Return, a person leaves youth behind and enters adulthood. With the second Return, maturity. And the third and usually final Return, a person enters wise old age.

Ever since I turned 27 a lot has happened in my life : I've seen a therapist (something I was raised against), I have conquered a lot of demons from my past, I ended my last relationship, I have moved three times, volunteered for different organizations (wasn't allowed to volunteer freely growing up), graduated and have been working on settling down in my career. Just a lot of changes and I know more change is in my future.



While I am going through this phase, I have also come to the realization, that yeah, I made a lot of poor choices that I thought were brilliant at the time. It's kinda of like I have been living my life with my beer goggles on for the first 28 years, and this year they finally came off. Young age and stupidity do go hand in hand. I refuse to write about some of the dumb shit I did, as most of it will go to the grave with me.

Some of the realizations I've come to while thinking back, and looking at old pictures:

1.) What the hell was I thinking when I went out with him ?
2.) My mom and dad were right when they told me that.
3.) Why on earth did I think all that makeup was hot ?
4.) Pleather is awful. I looked slutty in that.
5.) I really had such a bad outlook on life, it didn't have to be that way.
6.) Why didn't I stand up for myself. Why was I too afraid to defend myself ?
7.) I could've gone a lot further in my life.
8.) I can't believe I said such a thing..... ( I said so many stupid things)

I also reflected on what I've done right:

1.) I am so glad I lived abroad on my own for a year.
2.) I am so glad things didn't work out with my ex.
3.) Going back to school was the smartest thing I've done in a while.
4.) I am glad I got myself out of the massive debt I was in before this recession and I hope that I stay wise in the future.
5.) I am glad I found bellydance.
6.) I am glad that I've learned the hard way in lessons of the heart. I am glad I haven't had it easy with men. I've learned many lessons early and have potential to be a great wife to someone. I know a good man when I see one, and won't let him get away.

I know, this isn't my witty self, my little colored feathery friends. But sometimes I have to be true to myself and write about whatever I feel like.

Speaking of which..............

I have been reading various books lately and will be giving book reviews to books that I find interesting. Kinda like Oprah's book club, but with way, WAY less followers.

I am a book whore, and have no problem walking into Borders and just buying brand new books. I know I should be checking books out from the library, but I love buying a brand new book, and I love that new book paper smell. Something I inherited from my mother.

So expect a review from me soon.