This Cracks Me Up

Hello There My Lovelies,

Translating personals ads is kind of addicting. I am trying to stop, but this guy really made me laugh, so I couldn't help myself. He my age, which isn't so shocking, unfortunately.

Anywho, here goes..................

Well, I live alone, have no kids, and haven't been in a relationship for way too long SO NOW I'M LONELY AND DESPERATE & need to get back on the saddle. And NO, there's nothing wrong with me. YES, THERE IS SOMETHING VERY WRONG WITH ME Just been focusing too hard on getting my S!*#t together I AM AN ANGRY MAN I kinda neglected the relationship part of my life. I WILL DEFINITELY NEGLECT YOU I used to travel a lot for work so it was hard for me to meet new people. WHICH WAS MY EXCUSE FOR WHY I COULDN'T MAKE IT WITH MY LAST RELATIONSHIP I wouldn't call myself a shy-guy but breaking the ice happens to not be one of my strong points(that's why I'm trying this out). I have kind of a weird sense of humour at times and people don't always get it at first BECAUSE I'M ACTUALLY OFFENSIVE but The ones who know me best love to have me around for comic-relief THEY ARE EITHER MY FAMILY OR MY CLOSE FRIENDS AND BOTH TOLERATE ME.The Drama Queen need not apply! BECAUSE THERE IS ONLY ROOM FOR ME, THE DRAMA KING Life is too short to put up with your bad attitude. I HAVE ISSUES WITH WOMEN AND ASSUME THEY ARE ALL EVIL BITCHES, YET I EXPECT THEM TO LIKE ME. OK, now that I got that out of the way, The biggest turn on for me is a woman with a good sense of humor WHO IS JUST AS OFFENSIVE AS I and a fun loving outlook on life like me HAHAHAHAHA. I'm not exactly looking for my sole mate YES, I AM JUST A BOTTOM-FEEDER FISH LOOKING FOR ANOTHER BOTTOM FEEDER but if there's a good relationship opportunity, I won't turn you away. And please, no psycho ex-boyfriends or baby daddy's. I AM THE ONLY PSYCHO MAN ALLOWED, AND BY THE TIME I'M DONE WITH YOU, I'LL BE YO NEW BABY DADDY. I don't wanna have to watch my back when I come pick you up. I'm looking for a girl who's passionate and spontaneous cause so am I. I WILL BE TRYING TO GROPE YOU AT EVERY OPPORTUNITY, AND I HOPE YOU'LL TRY TO JUMP ON ME TOO So if your looking for the long term or just wanna chill with a new friend, it's all good with meeeee! WHHEEEEEEEEEE !