The X

Hello There My Lovelies,

I normally don't like to talk about my dating experiences or my past relationships up here, but today I am going to.

About a year ago I broke up with my boyfriend at the time. He was my only boyfriend, since I didn't even start dating since I was in my mid-twenties. We were friends for about 8 months before we became a couple. Our relationship lasted a year.

Actually, breaking up was a mutual decision. I never regretted the decision, and to this day I think I did the right thing. He is not a bad person, and didn't cheat on me, or betray me, but he was definitely not the one. Basically he offered me to move across the US with him, and I ultimately said no. Long story, don't want to air out all the laundry up here. But part of the reason was that I was in debt at the time, I was starting my paralegal classes, and couldn't bear to have a man support me at a vulnerable time away from my home state. I wanted to know that I could fully take care of myself. Also, I was just not ready. I also couldn't see myself walking down the aisle with him.

What I didn't expect is the hurt I would feel when he immediately got involved with someone else after. And it hurt bad. The worst part about it, was that hit hit me unexpectedly, especially since this was my first relationship and breakup. I thought that because I didn't want the relationship anymore, that I would be happy for him, and be unfazed.

Not so. When we broke up, even though he traveled over 70% of the time throughout our relationship, I was still emotionally connected to him. I didn't realized that I was so emotionally invested in him, and detaching myself from him was difficult.

We promised to remain friends with each other, and I gave it a try. I don't really believe that one should be friends with their exes after breaking up. Full of ulterior motives. People told me to just cut him off, stop talking to him, but I couldn't do it. I really thought that I could just be friends with him.

Until now, a year later. I no longer wish to remain in contact. I finally realized that my friends were right, and I would've gotten over everything so much faster if I had just ripped the band-aid off faster and dealt with all the pain then and there instead of dragging it out.

The interesting thing is that even though he is about to pop the question, lives with his girlfriend and wants to start a family he still wants to be friends with me. I don't understand it. He says he just wants my friendship, but I don't fully feel that way. I felt that we've still had the same emotional connection we had when we were dating, even though we didn't physically get back together. I no longer want to continue that. I wonder if his girlfriend knows. He says she knows all about me and is comfortable with him still just being my friend, but I don't buy it. And I don't think we were and are "just friends". Everything changes once you've had a relationship with someone.

I told him a bunch of things. He is ten years older than me, so I said that now that he is becoming an old boring married dude that I don't want to hang around him anymore. I also called his girlfriend's dog ugly (not really true) . I also said that his new girlfriend wouldn't like me because I am younger and prettier, and she definitely wouldn't be okay with him hanging out with me when he travels while she is at home. Yeah, it's immature (but people told me it's true), I know it, but the whole point is so that I would offend him and he would get upset and leave me alone. And the thing that shocked me was that he didn't tell me to stop talking about his girlfriend. And he still thinks it's ridiculous that I want to cut off contact. He was upset with me for wanting to cut off contact. He also tried to tell me that most of this was my fault, and that I was the one that promised we would remain friends. And I totally apologized and owned up to that, and said that I was sorry, it was my fault, I shouldn't have tried to stay in contact, but now I don't want to anymore.

I don't think it's fair that he can just hang with me and reminisce about the past and then go back to his gf/fiance and build his life with her and act like nothing happened. I think it's disrespectful to me. I feel like he emotionally made me the "other woman" and I can't stand it.

I guess I am writing this because I thought I was over everything, and that I've completely moved on. And for the most part, I have. But I never realized how much it stings when a past significant other moves on so fast from you and gets involved with someone else. It shouldn't sting, because we would've never worked out, but it does.

This was definitely some valuable dating experience I will be using in the future.

What about you ? Do you all keep in contact with your exes ? Do you wonder how they are doing ?