Thursday, August 6, 2009

Hippy Love Dude By Ocean In Line to Fu** You...........

Hi Kitties,

Here in the SF Bay, there are more men than women. Therefore, men need to stand out and make themselves different from the rest. Our douche du jour below is trying to tell us how different he is.

My rule of thumb which hasn't steered me wrong is this: If a man tells me that he's not like the other guy's I've met, it usually means one of three things or maybe all three:

1.) He's just more offensive or obnoxious than the others
2.) He's unique..... just like everyone else.
3.) He has low self esteem

The good men that I've had the pleasure of knowing never tried to convince me that they're better than the rest. They just were.

Anywhore, ad is below, with my "manslation" in bold.

TITLE: All Men are Not the Same 37 y/o

Reply to: pers-nxqun-1304735938@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-08-03, 9:59PM

Hi -

I'm attractive, I'm in good shape. I have a few dents from a few sports my nuts have gotten stomped on a few times , but I'm alright. Tan, flinty-eyed, positive, educated. Village-minded I'm the village idiot & globally aware I drive a Prius and shop at Whole Foods, clean, active, exploratory I want to explore your naughty parts, safe. I don't have any dietary limitations, I don't see a doctor and don't have a need and I may give you an STD, I'm high functioning and laying low. I'm not trouble, not in trouble, and I'd like you and I to start some trouble together Insert cliche sexual innuendo here. How's that for a social invite? Would you like to see my penis now ?

I've noticed that as I've aged and my hairline receded I have seen in myself and in others that the mind opens, looks fade as mine sure are, more things are possible with greater confidence and experience blah blah blah.... There was a time when I dated only older women I tried to bang my older landlady in exchange for cheaper rent... then it shifted to only younger what can I say, I had an early midlife crises... I no longer focus on the numbers as I can no longer afford to be picky. Women like me; I'm a keeper My mommy loves me. Pets like me also I can bark like a dog and sniff my ass. I'm totally comfortable in a suit or in a T-shirt - although I'm most comfortable nude I hope you don't have nice furniture, as it will be exposed to my nutsack and hairy bunghole.
In your message to me, tell me what you need. There are 100 postings from guys who want to fuck you. I stand in line as number 101.
And I want to fuck you, too (Am I a mind reader or what ?) . As a woman, that's available pretty much everywhere for you. I get that. There's a difference here I will be asking you to ignore my small penis and focus on my award winning personality instead.
I need an intelligent, attractive, conversational, sexual SLUTTY, unattached woman near my age range and in the general Santa Cruz area Hippy Love ! to join me to check out new and favorite places along the CA coast. Let's trade photos together and let's get something on the calendar.
Smiling,

8 comments:

LL said...

Oh my... and you're leaving him on the market Senorita? You'd better strike while the iron's hot!

Loving Annie said...

gag- this is such a blatant sex ad, it's pathetic. If all he wantrs is sex, why not just get a hooker ? oh, I forgot, mr. no dietary limitations (who says that ???) wants it for free when his schedule is open.

Danielle said...

You are hillarious.
This guy is a nutjob.

PorkStar said...

hahaha freaking awesome post...

For the record, i never said i was better than the rest.

Im dirtier, that's for sure : )

Charmaine said...

He lost me when he said, "I want to explore your naughty parts".

What the hell?

You are so young, so beautiful and so intelligent. There is no reason for you and I to be in the same boat.

Inspired by you, my lovely, I will post some of the emails I receive from PlentyofFish.com. I won't post their profiles cuz you and I would just slip into a Coma.

Come out here to Southern California. I'll have you married off in about 30 seconds.

Stacie's Madness said...

ROFLMAO, this is classic and spot on...

here from Porkstar's blog!

PorkStar said...

You have an award on my blog, as always my darling. You're welcome

muah

Lance said...

Dude, I saw the title of your post and came right over. I'm going to read like 5 of your recent posts right now.