Good Morning Kittens !
As you know, Craigslist is a haven for married dudes on the prowl for pussy. Basically, there is a huge supply of frustrated, underlaid, complaining married dudes and not enough available women willing to satisfy them all.
So our prize below decided that he should be wittier than the rest of the bunch. My "manslation" is in bold.
Title: Married man SALE ! ! ! - Limited time offer !!! - :) Limited meaning until the wifey finds out
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: 2009-08-03, 8:29PM
For immediate Sale. Please do me immediately.
One married man, slightly used but ready for an affair. If interested, please inquire.
Quantity: 1 Until the wife walks in on us, then you will be dealing with her too.
Gender: Male. Wanna see my penis ? I have a webcam....
Height: 6'1" Notice I didn't mention my weight. For all you know you could be banging a fat married dude.
Eyes: Big Blue eyes.
Hair: Brown with a receding hairline.
Accessories: With baggage. I will be talking about the wife so much, it'll be like you're dating her too.
Special skills: Puts toilet seat down after use. Decent cook that is a lie, and smells good :)
Training: Self-cleaning I lick my own balls, will open doors for you.
Personality: fun, funny, good listener, loyal. I promise I won't cheat on you with my wife ;) ;)
Known defects: Falls asleep if made to watch life time channel :) What is it with these douchebag smiles after lame remarks ????????
Runs on: Takeout, Italian food, and plain old cheese burgers. Basically sweet cheeks, we'll be eating fast food after sex, because I really don't cook, and I don't want others to see us at restaurants. Plus I will ask you to pay for the takeout because I'm a broke married man.
Compatible with: Female models of various makes and models. I can't be too picky so please have two tits and a heart beat.
Known allergies: Mean and smelly people. Cheating on my wife doesn't count as mean, and my shit doesn't stink either. Sometimes I forget to flush in the bathroom.
Movies: All types I will even watch the Notebook with you as long as you blow me after.
Dinner: preferably with the opposite sex
Languages: English but I don't mind if you come in other languages................
Sex: LOVE IT, and I'm GREAT! Plus a big PLEASER :) You know that's a lie, because obviously the wife isn't even interested in me.
Price: best offer Will bang anyone............