Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Married Man Attempts Wittiness to Get Into Your Pants

Good Morning Kittens !

As you know, Craigslist is a haven for married dudes on the prowl for pussy. Basically, there is a huge supply of frustrated, underlaid, complaining married dudes and not enough available women willing to satisfy them all.

So our prize below decided that he should be wittier than the rest of the bunch. My "manslation" is in bold.

Title: Married man SALE ! ! ! - Limited time offer !!! - :) Limited meaning until the wifey finds out

Reply to:
Date: 2009-08-03, 8:29PM

For immediate Sale. Please do me immediately.

One married man, slightly used but ready for an affair. If interested, please inquire.


Quantity: 1 Until the wife walks in on us, then you will be dealing with her too.

Gender: Male. Wanna see my penis ? I have a webcam....

Model: Caucasian.

Height: 6'1" Notice I didn't mention my weight. For all you know you could be banging a fat married dude.

Eyes: Big Blue eyes.

Hair: Brown with a receding hairline.

Age: 37

Accessories: With baggage. I will be talking about the wife so much, it'll be like you're dating her too.

Special skills: Puts toilet seat down after use. Decent cook that is a lie, and smells good :)

Training: Self-cleaning I lick my own balls, will open doors for you.

Personality: fun, funny, good listener, loyal. I promise I won't cheat on you with my wife ;) ;)

Known defects: Falls asleep if made to watch life time channel :) What is it with these douchebag smiles after lame remarks ????????

Runs on: Takeout, Italian food, and plain old cheese burgers. Basically sweet cheeks, we'll be eating fast food after sex, because I really don't cook, and I don't want others to see us at restaurants. Plus I will ask you to pay for the takeout because I'm a broke married man.

Compatible with: Female models of various makes and models. I can't be too picky so please have two tits and a heart beat.

Known allergies: Mean and smelly people. Cheating on my wife doesn't count as mean, and my shit doesn't stink either. Sometimes I forget to flush in the bathroom.

Movies: All types I will even watch the Notebook with you as long as you blow me after.

Dinner: preferably with the opposite sex

Languages: English but I don't mind if you come in other languages................

Sex: LOVE IT, and I'm GREAT! Plus a big PLEASER :) You know that's a lie, because obviously the wife isn't even interested in me.

Programmable: yes

Condition: Great

Price: best offer Will bang anyone............


Joe said...

Dear Senorita,

As usual, very funny.

I started going backwards to read earlier posts and discovered that along with a sharp wit, you have keen perceptions on life as it happens around you (I read about your graduation and meeting the WWII vet). All in all I feel like I came in at the middle of a movie so I'll keep reading and try to catch up.

BTW - Married guy posts ad, being honest about being married but wanting extramarital sex and making jokes about it? Would that be ironic?


headbitingprincess said...

HA ha Joe - you are SOO right on about her .. she is awesomely funny and witty and so down to earth !!! love her :D

hello my darling hot mami !!!! I have been MIA here of late . . have missed your fall down funniness !!!!

MindyMom said...

Gawd this is hilarious!

Angela said...

If you heard an earthquake today it was me laughing so hard - this has got to be your absolute best work ever!

I do wish some of your subjects could read your feedback...or perhaps their spouses....

Now I know where to go to when I need to good laugh - hey, is there a place where you can vote for the funniest, most entertaining entries to blogs?

LL said...

All this and cleverness too? You know... if you played your cards right... this craigslister might just be eccentric enough to surprise you. :ewink:

PorkStar said...

hahahaha loved it!