Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Spawn of Satan Would Like To Bang You

Hi My Secret Squirrels,

I was perusing through the personals ads in my area, and this guy just scared the bejeesus right out of me. He looks like a guy you would find in one of those Wanted ads for kidnapping. And when he does decide to smile, its on the day he decides he doesn't want to brush his hair and straighten up. He looks like he smells in that picture.

Somebody please reach out and help this man. The axe murderer look is not the way to go if you wanna get laid. A simple hair cut, a shower, and a smile goes a loooong way.

If you can stomach this, he is into long French dinners. I bet you would want to dim down the lights while dining with that.

In his headline he wrote "Soulmates ?" Ladies, I ask you this....... Is this what you imagined for yourself when you dreamed of your knight in shining armor ?

Wouldn't you like to hear what he has to saw ? I thought that you would never ask......

Intelligence, fairness and honesty are real important to me. Fine wine, a long french dinner and good story telling are also high on my list. I'm very interested in science/technology and social issues as well as the fine arts and classic rock and roll. Though I am one in a peculiar kind of way, I hate snobs; folks who take themselves too seriously. If you can't find some fun in everything you do, at least most things, why do them? If you can't laugh at yourself then you are too serious for me.

Story Telling ? No doubt he's good at it. If someone looking like that told me a horror story, I would piss my pants for sure. I bet Halloween is his favorite holiday.

If I looked like him, there is absolutely no way I could take myself seriously.

I am sure the poor guy has made little kids cry and scared off pretty girls so laughing at himself would be a defense mechanism to cope.

That is all for now.


CMC said...

Oh effffff me. I'm crying again! Laughing sooooo hard. Your blog is the best ab workout I've ever experienced so I must thank you!!!

* Ashleigh * said...

I was almost laughing till tears when you wrote "I thought you'd never ask"....that guy is a close relative of Charles Manson. Or at least idolizes that sicko. French dinners does not equal eating a snail off the sidewalk either!


Scarlet said...

For starters, the title is hilarious! It's an eye-catcher for sure!!

I laughed my ass off through this whole post! You are so clever and right on with this one, he looks like he'd greet you at the door with an ax.

He might be a nice guy, but I wouldn't hang out long enough to find out. This goes to show you that looks definitely matter.

Cathy said...

Hola my dear. Well you certainly have a sense of the absurd. However let's be fair, o fair-looking one. The guy's being honest, yes? No makeup to cover those dark circles from staying up all night peeking through windows. I give him props for honesty - too bad he'll never get laid though - unless of course some equally murderous-looking lady out there is drooling over him as we speak. Live and let live, just don't go peeping in my window bud.

Angela said...

Ich habe eine Gaensehaut bekommen als ich die Bilder sah! Er schaut wie ein Schwerverbrecher aus! Und er geniert sich nicht, so was zu veroeffentlichen???

Aber Deine Kommentare sind sehr witzig und ich freue mich immer wenn Du was neues postest.

Viele Bussi!

VJ said...

Context dearie. Context. Photo No 1 shows our dear deluded subject standing in front of yes, a Periodic Table of Elements. Meaning he's probably a fairly harmless, deeply patient & kind HS or local College Science teacher. With a sense of humor probably too, despite living in the 1970's with his hair style. Now close your eyes, and imagine anyone you desire having those qualities he describes. Yeah it's probably some much younger hot looking 20 something on the TV. At most perhaps some 'ripped studly playboy' in his early 30's, right? 'Natch.

But really? They don't come like that most of the time. Not at those ages & mostly not today. Read it again: "Fine wine, a long french dinner and good story telling are also high on my list. I'm very interested in science/technology and social issues as well as the fine arts and classic rock and roll." Fine wine & long French dinners? And an appreciation of Fine arts? Yeah. There's not many 20 or even 30 somethings that might be able to touch that. Temperamentally or maturity wise, let alone being financially capable of enjoying it.

That's the missing element here. Any sort of curiosity beyond the immediate quick hit of the 'snark'. Which is fine. It's funny too, up to a point. But if we're constantly rejecting otherwise 'worthy' or even 'respectable' people Just because they look well, a bit 'squirrely'? Well you automatically reject plenty of decent & fun folks who might otherwise be friends.

Perhaps he's not your cup of tea, and you'd not date him for his beard or whatnot. But seriously? He could be fine for many women. Only looks like an axe murderer, which is part of his cachet. Which may also be part of his warped sense of humor. Just some hopeful insights here. Cheers, VJ

Senorita said...

Hi VJ,

Not sure if you will see this comment, but I write it anyway. I tried to find your blog, it appears you don't have one.

I agree with you. It is all in context, and I felt that he was fairly harmless. Unfortunately that didn't come across in my posting. I do feel I was a little mean to him.

I meant to stick to making fun of his appearance because I felt that it was so out there, that he went out of his way to look scary.

I do feel a little bad for making fun of him, as I try to stick to making fun of married dudes or guys with outrageous requirements in a woman. In other words, men that deserve it. This guy didn't really deserve being torn to shreds.

As for me, well, you don't know me.
I don't reject people based on looks like you think I would based on my entries (and I know it's my fault you would think that). You would know that if you had a look at my past relationships.

The men that I were closest to in my life were considered trolls by my friends' standards. And they were financially poor. But I didn't care.

In my list of requirements in a mate, looks are important to an extent. But they are not the most important.

Thanks for your comment. I agree with the heart of your messafe, and feel that I have been misrepresenting myself a little.

VJ said...

Thanks for the kind note of explanation Senorita, it makes a bit more sense now. But yes, he's probably using his looks to simultaneously play the 'push me, pull me game' too. If you can get past his looks, he's probably a pretty sweet guy, and he probably deliberately had someone take those photos to test out a theory of his to see how many responses he might get vs. when his hair is pulled back or hidden under a hat.

But again it's not an uncommon ploy, even between the sexes. And yeah, I'd stick to the sleazy married guys. Goodness knows there's enough of them to go around!

And no I don't have a blog. It's enough that for many most of my posts seem incomprehensible to them. And of course as you might have guessed (or seen elsewhere) they come replete with citations too. I blame TV frankly. I no longer have one working since the famed 'digital transition'. I'm in a fringe reception area, which I predicted about 2 years before the 'transition'. So I've got to look for entertainment somewhere right?

But blogging takes some dedication & time, and I'd rather spend it elsewhere. And besides my life is pretty damn boring, and sadly, it's seemingly been carefully designed over the years to be that way too! So at the moment the most excitement comes when I'm out trying to buy decent art. Happily I then turn around and give this away too. But it's more difficult than it sounds. But it's thrilling to very few.

BTW: I think the photo of you by the cathedral is the best. You look so very happy there. Good & Great art, even if somewhat crazed, always improves everything. Cheers & Good Luck, 'VJ'