Saturday, May 23, 2009

Douche du jour...........

Hello there again my lovelies,

Okay, so yesterday I did a "manslation" that was just plain nasty. Speaking of which, my mother asked me "So, are all these ads you "translate" for real ?" And I said that of course they are real. My mom is a little more old fashioned. Yesterday she asked me what MILF stands for. Then I also had to explain that a Cougar is no longer just a wild feline. Her reaction was priceless. "Well, I could never !"

Anywho, I have another ad that I found today. It's kind of long, but I still found it entertaining.

TITLE: Lusty Pirate horny, have scurvy, and no teeth seeks Sexy First Mate for Memorable (and Salty) don't ask Adventure

Reply [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-05-23, 6:14PM PDT

Hello out there and welcome to my little piece of the world...
Are you ready to make this Memorial day, and every day thereafter... truly memorable??

Well then... even though it seems that passion has somehow gone out of fashion... and honesty has become somewhat of a lost art.
I say even Pirates have a code they live by even though they stole, raped and pillaged and Pirate tho I may be... I still am honest, and true... and expect the same... from you.

So now that I hopefully have caught your attention.... let me really begin this yarn by saying...
Love isn't finding someone you can live with....
Love is finding someone you can't live without.
Day in... Day out.
Maybe I can get laid faster by inserting cliche sayings in my post.

Me, well I'm hoping to find someone who just might be the missing piece I have missing teeth that completes the crazy, unpredictable, yet precious puzzle I call my life...
And I'm looking for someone, who wants someone, who could be that missing piece to complete her precious puzzle as well. She doesn't need all her teeth either.
Let's seize the opportunity, every opportunity, to share in all that we can... in everything we can... because life is a treasure, and is far too short to waste it on being safe, and correct, and proper all the time! because I am rude and obnoxious

Now then, if you've read this far.. and are still thinking about reading to the end... then thats a good thing, arrrrr. eeeeewwww !
So what's a nice girl like you doing in a cyber joint like this?? Making fun of pervs like you.

I guess I'll begin the interesting and informative part here by saying I believe although there are many cornerstones upon which a healthy, happy, resilient, and long lasting relationship can be built... the most important ones include love, trust, honesty, communication, compassion, respect, and sex. blah blah blah.... let's just skip to the sex.....

Yes...oh surprised and shocked one... I believe it's the passion, the desire, the physical intimacy that provides that glue which binds it all together. As I've matured in years (physically... the emotional side is still under dispute)I'm an old geezer who still hasn't emotionally matured, I find that so many people... far too many people (well. in people I am referring to women in particular!)... deny, avoid, or seem to have forgotten that wonderful gift that is intensely human, exclusively human... to love and to be loved, and to have that love enhanced through the sharing of physical pleasure. Truly, it is a gift thats been trivialized, demonized, and completely sanitized and ignored! Isn't that extremely odd behavior in a culture where sexuality sells everything from tires to double cheeseburgers!!?? Basically, I am a sexually perverted neanderthal, and instead of looking at myself it's easier to think of women as uptight bitches.

SO... now that thats been said, let me say here that I am a very physical guy. in case you didn't get the memo above I dont make excuses, nor will I apologize for being who I am obnoxious and trying to paw at you every chance I get. I believe the physical interaction between partners is what keeps us vibrant, alive, and thriving. I want to bang you.

AND... I'm hoping to find someone who shares some interests and beliefs... and would love to share and explore all those interests and beliefs that are unique to each of us. Not really, I just want to pillage you, we can discuss beliefs later.
Mostly, I'm hoping I can find that one very special soul with whom I can build a long term relationship filled with fun, excitement, love, adventure, and intimacy.

If this kind of relationship intrigues you, excites you, then please allow me to introduce myself (my hat is still off to Mick for that opening line!).

I'll continue this rather open, random, but conscious stream of honesty with the hope you’ll find a tidbit here that stirs some interest, maybe a mumbling that moves you in ways you don’t understand. Which is a good thing
I have baggage fit for a king but I keep it locked up securely in my hall of closets and I won't make you carry any of it. I will just force you to open that closet door and watch while all that baggage comes tumbling down on you. I could probably I will talk your ear off about nothing in particular one minute, then shut up tighter than a clam the next Emotionally immature. Sometimes I will make you laugh… at me, at you, at the world... and sometimes I’ll probably make you cry about the same things. I will laugh at you until you cry about it.

I'm sensual,smart educated, but never pretentious. I think I'm better than you.
I could be bitter, but I'm actually very sweet. Actually, I am passive aggressive.
I’m definitely bruised, but I’m certainly not broken! I doth protest too much !
And I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up, but am also open to any and all suggestions! I have no goals in life, the Somali pirates didn't want me and I still haven't matured.

I could very easily be classified as an eclectic, eccentric, anything but generic, passionate, compassionate soul.... Teacher did call me special in grade school looking to create and share some everlasting memories... some exciting adventures... and who knows, if lucky, maybe even a sensation or two (hundreds even).

so...wanna make out? ;-) :(

Okay, statistics time here...
I'm 54 years old... and still think it odd when people say “young” because it makes me think they're not comfortable with who they are. I'm actually 60.
I'm 5’11”, 170lb, very active I masturbate on a daily basis and fit (hey, the experts say sex is great exercise, but I digress!)
I have brown eyes, olive complexion,I live and work in SF.
My interpersonal skills??? Well, I’m an excellent kisser. I will offensively shove my tongue down your throat I like them long, deep, warm and passionate. I suffocate my victims I truly believe the kiss is incredibly sensual, is very underrated, and when done right, it intensifies all the other physical aspects of a relationship. blah blah blah...........

I love the outdoors… love making love under the stars as I don't have a place to stay at the moment, as I mentioned, I’m a very physical person by nature, believe in the power of touch, even in the smallest sense… like holding a partners hand anytime, anywhere… I'm a sexual tiger, and I feed on vagina. RAWR

I love to touch and be touched (so beware, be warned) Seriously, you have been warned… get up close, intimate… snuggle, cuddle… on a cold winter night in front of the fireplace… on a warm summer Sunday morning as we stay in bed all morning (hmmmm, maybe all day!)making hot, steamy, slippery love who the hell says slippery?... only getting up to stretch, and maybe order a pizza ;-) Ghettofabulous.

Well, what do you think so far? Care to hear more?? Please shut up and put your tongue and penis away....
If you do, then please... yell, holler or scream from the highest mountaintop!! Actually, an e-mail saying HI will do... but please, lets not enter in a long, drawn out e-mail exchange... I'm looking for a relationship in the real world, not something in this virtual, cyber universe. I want to bang you as soon as possible.

So thanks for reading... I know it was a tough one you have no idea... and you will get an "A" for effort (if you can pass the short quiz).

"once in a while you get shown the light... in the strangest places if you look at it right!" - Robert Hunter I have a flashlight in my pants.

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